REWARDS AND PUNISHMENT

One thing I have known for a long time on an intellectual level but that I recently felt slip into my working reality is that each time I feed myself, I am choosing whether to punish or reward myself.  I ate some donuts yesterday.  I haven't eaten donuts in years and they were in my home (VERY rare occurrence) and I thought, it's been years - literally years.  I can have a treat.  But was that a treat? NO!  It was a punishment!  I harmed myself!  You don't reward yourself by harming yourself.  I KNEW I was harming myself.  I know too much now to fall for the old, "just this once, I deserve a treat now and then" bullshit.  I DESERVE to lose this weight and feel vibrant, energetic and healthy.  I DESERVE to enjoy my life with little fear of heart disease, diabetes or other diseases causing me to lose my quality of life.  I DESERVE to give myself every opportunity to be around to see my amazing grandsons grow into amazing men, fall in love, become husbands and fathers if they choose to and to make the world a better place.  In the big picture, who the hell cares about the mouthfeel of a donut?!  But I ate the damn thing because I have slipped more and more over the last 2 years into addictive thinking.  I dwell on fears and worries, I obsess over food continually.  There is rarely an hour in the day when I am not thinking about what I could "get away with" eating.  I've redeveloped the habit of hitting a drive-through or buying something at the deli every time I go out!  "Well, at least it's just a bean burrito."  "Well, this horrible meal won't do as much harm if I don't eat anything else all day."  Bitch please!  I  have slipped backwards a lot more than I ever thought I could and it is time I acknowledged that fact.  It is also time I recognize and deal with the food addict aspect of my problems.  I honestly wish I could afford to enroll in Chef AJ's Ultimate Weight Loss program but she generously shares a lot of information and support for free so I'll be taking advantage of that.  I know from experience that I cope better if I jump straight into the deep end rather than inching in toe first so... this is me, jumping into the deep end again.  Today, smoothies and salads and veggie soup.  The plan is to do that until Friday or Saturday.  And then to juice fast or water fast throughout the rest of March.  I won't use budget as an excuse to quit.  If I can't afford produce to juice then I will simply water fast.  That is free.  This is the best way I know to reset my taste buds and get the addictive crap out of my system and reboot my enthusiasm for this lifestyle.  I will blog every morning to keep myself accountable.  Even if it is just a line or two, I'll post something.  Even if I have to say I screwed the pooch, I will post something.  Pass the noseplug, I'm jumping in.

Baby Steps or Big Change?

As I mentioned previously, I have become fascinated with the idea of neuroplasticity. (According to the dictionary, neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections, especially in response to learning or experience or following injury.  In other words, You can create new and healthier connections and pathways in the brain with purposeful behavior.)  I started out just looking at techniques for creating new habits, then changing behavior, especially anxiety driven behavior and I stumbled upon neuroplasticity.  All of these are intertwined.  Even if you know or care nothing about changing your brain but only about creating healthier habits or whatever, you ARE changing your brain when you create a new habit. ;)

So, this morning, I was rewatching a video I had seen a couple of years ago on tiny habits.  It's a TED Talk by B.J. Fogg, a Stanford prof who holds workshops and such on changing your life through the use of "tiny habits."  (I'll link the video at the end of this blog entry.)  I resisted this approach on one level because of my experience of juice fasting (a HUGE, all-at-once change) leading to a far easier transition to eating WFPBNO than I could have possibly made in any other way.  I had tried the baby steps, small-changes-lead-to-big-changes approach to diet my entire life which led me to be 340 miserable, ill pounds by age 50.  And I've witnessed virtually everyone I know failing the same thing.  I'd been force-fed the miserable statistics on how ridiculously few people actually lose weight and keep it off my entire life. I KNEW this approach didn't work.  But while listening to professor Fogg and taking notes and finding once again that it really made sense to me and that I really believed I could develop some better habits in this way, I had an epiphany.  Now some of you may think this is common sense that should have occurred to me long since but it didn't, okay.  Small changes do not work for physically addictive behaviors but may work quite well for many other behaviors.

I still believe that the baby steps approach is not the way to go for many people to change their diet, but it may very well be the best way to change most other habitual behaviors, and make no mistake, anxiety, fear, resentment and often even depression are HABITS and/or the result of habits.  The "many people" that I'm referring to above is anyone who is obese or has any sort of eating disorder or who has struggled over a long period of time to lose weight and never successfully lost it or kept it off.  There are some people who are a bit overweight and maybe even have diet-related illness who simply need education as to what food is actually doing to them.  Once this is clear in their mind, they begin to make the necessary changes a bit at a time so as to cause less disturbance in their home, family etc.  Many people in my facebook group, Let Food Be Thy Medicine, advocate this approach and I always cringe because I firmly believe that it isn't likely to work for most of the people who come to the group.  But it is such an easier pill to swallow you see.  Here is me saying, just do it!  Jump in the deep end!  Way easier, I promise!  While Betty and Bob are over here saying, be kind and gentle with yourself.  Cut back on meat to one meal a day and then cut back on cheese, and then... and then... and then....  But in reality, for anyone who has been obese for many years, this approach just doesn't work.  If it did, they would have stuck to one of the dozens of diet attempts they made in the past (and they have pretty much ALL made dozens of attempts in the past.)  Because if weight loss is your only concern, just about every diet out there will work if applied consistently.  Why don't we apply them consistently?  Addiction.  Many of the problematic foods for the human race are physically addictive.  And for we poor souls who also have addictive emotional habits, it is a deadly combination.  Now, to be clear, even the lucky few with no true addictive tendencies are probably going to have to go cold turkey to break the physical addiction of certain foods at some point.  Cheese and sugar, for example, are highly addictive, period.  Cutting back on those a little at a time is going to be nearly as impossible as telling an alcoholic to drink a little less each week till they've cut it out.  Any true alcoholic will tell you the folly in that notion. For a far better explanation of the addictive nature of food, please read the excellent book by Alan Goldhamer and Douglas J Lisle called The Pleasure Trap.  Really a must read if any of this is of interest to you. And if it weren't, you surely wouldn't be reading my little blog so... read it!!

So, that's my epiphany for today.  It may seem obvious to many but it is a huge realization for me.  I can now give myself permission to change some things a little at a time and not feel that I am copping out or wasting my time while recognizing that this doesn't change the fact that where my diet is concerned 100% is the only way for me.

You can find the video I referred to here:  https://youtu.be/AdKUJxjn-R8

ONE YEAR RESULTS ON JUICING and WHOLE, PLANT-BASED FOOD

So it's been a year.  In some ways it seems that it can't possibly have been that long but mostly it just seems like it has to have been longer.  Not in a bad way...  in a "this is just how I live and completely normal" kinda way.  I can't imagine not eating this way.  Yesterday my 18 year old, Harmoni, saw some horrible food advertised on tv and said, "I sometimes wonder why we ever wanted to start eating like that to begin with.  Now it feels like I should have always wanted to just surround myself with fruit and salad and juice.  Why would I NOT?!"  Made me a proud and happy mom, I'll tell you that.  (You should hear her go OFF when pharmaceutical commercials come on. LOL)

So on my one year anniversary I completed a 5K with my gorgeous and amazing oldest daughter, Bonni. It was literally surreal.  This was me, Natalie, at a 5K in the late August heat!  I won't go all into just how sick and in pain I was one year ago, I described that pretty thoroughly in my early posts.  We all know I was headed for a wheelchair and an amputation and not long for the world the way I was headed last year.  This post is my victory song.  This post is about JOY.  But standing there in the heat, waiting in line for my packet for about 2 hours, the old Natalie couldn't have even been outside on a day like that much less on my feet the whole time.  Here is a little vid I took while standing in line and a pic of the goofy gear we put on for this GlowRun.  A year ago my main focus when out in public was to remain as invisible as possible.  I didn't want to subject anyone to noticing me any more than necessary.  As you can see, that doesn't exactly describe me now;)

The little glow tubes we made our glasses and necklaces out of came in our packets but they were duds.  No glowing:(  So I bought the dreads and the bracelet and got my face painted.  We then had another hour to wait in 95 degree heat in a big park for them to start lining people up for the start of the race.  So we go looking for someplace to get some water.  Well, no luck.  They only sold beer.  At the 5K.  In AUGUST.  No joke.  I am thinking of writing to them about that because that is dangerous.  Most of us brought a bottle of water but only one.  We assumed water would be available at a 5K!  That is not only foolish but dangerous.  Thankfully I am very conscientious about staying well hydrated.  The only water available that entire hot afternoon and evening (nearly 5 hours altogether) was one 12 oz bottle at the halfway point and one at the finish line.  And many people stayed for the after party as well so even longer for them with, I'm sure, plenty of beer:/  But enough griping about that.  Once it got dark, they lined everyone up at the starting gate and boy were there a LOT of people!  They had people start in waves and since I'm pretty slow compared to most of these youngsters, we joined the last wave - wave 6.  So that means we stood in line for another half hour. LOL  In my old life I was extremely claustrophobic and a bit agoraphobic and really, really needed my personal space.  I couldn't stand to be in big crowds; couldn't stand to be bumped and jostled.  I would have full blown panic attacks.  But there I stood in the middle of the road with hundreds of people crowding up to the starting line and all I could do was thank God for bringing me there.  For allowing me to fulfill the dream that began a couple of years ago when my Bonni took up running and, one day after watching the Biggest Loser, she said to me, "Wouldn't it be cool if we could do one together some day?"  Inwardly I wept because I fully believed that it would never be possible.  I knew how rapidly I was declining but I hadn't told my children.  It would become obvious to them soon enough.  But my God wasn't done with me yet.  And when he placed the way before me, I took it without hesitation and guess what...

There  you have it.  My celebration of my rebirth.  My declaration to the world that I am back.  That August day in 2013 when Fat Sick and Nearly Dead popped up on my suggestions in Netflix, I knew immediately that everything was about to change.  I NEVER EVER took pictures of myself.  But I took one that day.  I had my kids help me out to the yard and I took a picture.   I knew I would need the proof one day of how far I had come.  I knew I would need to remind myself from time to time of just how bad off I was.  I usually didn't write doom and gloom in my journal but I had written very openly of my despair just the week before.  God knew I would need to remember just how far I had sunk into that despair.  The way was prepared before me in so many big and small ways.  It is really amazing to look back on.

I still have a long way to go.  Anyone want to put money on how far I will go by next August?  I'll be riding horses again on a regular basis I can promise you that.  I'll be completing more 5Ks with and even without my daughter and this time I will run them the whole way.  Me with the tore up, bone-on-bone knees and the leg with damaged circulation that would need to be amputated and TWO crippling bone diseases in my back WILL be running 5K.  Running is actually starting to feel good to me now so I know I'll get there.  I feel like I have probably lost about half the weight I will eventually need to but I know that as long as I keep my tunnel vision locked on my health that the weight will take care of itself.  Over the past few months there have been periods where I maintained my weight loss for a while and then got into "reboot mode" and lost some more and then maintained for a while again.  How fantastic and liberating to know that I have the tools I need to do both. To lose and to maintain.

I knew I would need to put together a new progress picture when I hit one year.  My last one was done at about 9 months I believe.  I was a bit worried I would feel let down as would my friends and family since I haven't lost all that much weight in the last 3 months.  I don't know exactly how much since my scale quit working and I'm not going to replace it for a while.  I need to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak, and focus on health and joy instead of numbers on a scale.  But I dutifully went into the bathroom to take my progress picture.  As I was taking it I thought, "I should probably change into some nice tight jeans to hold that gut in.... except my jeans are all baggy so I'd have to borrow some from my daughter, Gini. ... Oh ugh that double chin is just never going to go away...  Wow my hair has gotten long!"  And then I looked at the picture.  I pulled up the picture next to that one I took last year and I wept.  I look like me again.  I am excited about losing more weight, sure.  Big time!  But I really have to stop under-valuing what I have already done.  A few observations... my hair has NEVER grown very fast.  I couldn't believe how much it had grown in that year.  And because of hypothyroidism, I didn't have any outer eyebrows at all and now they are coming back!  And best of all... sorry if this is TMI, my boobs stick out further than my gut again!  Been a long while for that!!  LOL

So even though I had intended for that to be a test run and I would fix my hair and put on cuter clothes and then take the one I would share with people, I just used that one.  It's real.  It's me.  And for today I'm 100% happy with that.  Now bring on year number 2!  Life is good on da juice!!!

THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF... AND KILLED A GENERATION OF PEOPLE

First off, I am down to less than a month until my first ever 5K on my Rebirthday!!!  Can I get a YEEHAW!!  I am completing 5K on a fairly regular basis and walk a couple of miles on the days I don't do the 3.1.  The only reason I'm not at least walking 3.1 miles every day is because my area has been under an "extreme heat advisory" lately.  Since the Glow Run is held after dark, I try to do my walk/jog at dusk but lately I have been  having to wait until around 10 at night or else it is still in the 90s!  Come race day, if it is in the 90s after dark, I'll be able to do it, I just probably won't be able to run as much as I'd like.  But even if I walk the whole thing and it takes me an hour, I will finish it.  And I call this my "first" 5K because I have no doubt whatever that there will be more to come.  I have my eye on a couple in September and October.

Now on to what is on my mind today.  I just had to make a quick run to the nearest store for a couple of spices I was out of.  I needed them for the soup I just put into the crock pot (navy beans, purple potatos, tomatos and squash).  As I was checking out, I noticed the Woman's World Magazine.  It's a weekly that I used to read all the time.  I bought one for the first time in a long time last week because I suspected the diet touted no the cover might have something to do with juicing or smoothies.  It said "CURE FOOD ADDICTION; END JUNK-FOOD CRAVINGS!  LOSE 24lbs YOUR FIRST WEEK!"  If you aren't familiar with this magazine, it has screaming headlines like that for a different diet every week.  Dr. Oz is featured on a fairly regular basis.  Here's a few recent covers to give you an idea:

 

 
 

You get the idea.  Just about every diet plan out there has been featured at least once in this magazine.  They don't try to "take sides" or decide which is best but today, it just struck me, no wonder people are so skeptical when they hear people like me talking about what I've done!!  We are  bombarded every day with a different "miracle cure" for diabetes and obesity and thyroid problems and blood pressure!  And they are all contradictory!  "Fat is the bad guy; avoid fat!"  NO!  Fat is a healthy part of your diet; avoid sugar!"  NO NO NO! "Moderation is the key!"  And after all the extreme sounding, contradictory, complicated varieties thrown at us, boy does moderation just start to sound like common sense!?  But then we try moderation.  We try to just use portion control and take baby steps and just reduce our calories and increase our exercise and we fail and fail again.  Some of us fail BIG!

So some of us (I'm talking about me here) give up.  We begin to really believe that we are just meant to be fat and miserable all our lives.  When we see it happening to our kids too, it's harder for us to accept that maybe they are meant to be fat and miserable but what else are we to do?  We are hardened into skepticism or downright cynicism because of all the loud claims thrown at us every day.  We are beaten down into hopelessness by all the headlines about how little chance we have statistically of really getting the weight off and keeping it off.  Why bother?

The headline today said something about curing diabetes by drinking red wine on the new "Mediterranean Atkins" diet.  I cringed because I have a pretty good idea of what any version of Atkins is going to do to a diabetic over time and it isn't pretty.  But the thing about Atkins was that he got you some pretty impressive initial results and it just felt like he was thinking outside the box.  Actually, IMHO the first ones in a long while to think outside the box and start really looking at how human beings were meant to thrive were the Paleo people.  I admire them for that and I honestly think they are on the right track.  Haven't reached the station yet but on the right tracke;o)  I've written before about that so I won't go there again but I really do think they at least are headed in the right direction getting off of the processed, packaged food train and looking at lifestyle instead of just a temporary diet change to reach a specific goal.

It really is a big problem in this culture that we are so hardened to claims that dietary changes can have miraculous results.  The "diet industry" has created a boy who cried wolf.  We don't believe in any dietary changes because so many false claims have been thrown around.  And that's a shame.  Because dietary change really is the miracle we've all been looking for.  I really hate to think that others will have to get as desperate and near to losing their battle altogether as I did before they take that one last shot at a miracle cure.  And it just breaks my heart to think of all the people who will never grab hold of this life line and take their life back.

As for me, I am thankful every single day for the every day joys of living a normal life, free of pain and disease.  I will continue to share my story whenever I get the chance because word of mouth, one person at a time is really our only hope for the time being.  Eventually enough people will know someone personally who has experienced this kind of healing that enough doctors will get enough pressure to explain this etc etc.  And eventually, the well-being of the population will become more of a priority than keeping Big Pharma... big.

Juice on ya'll.  We got this.  One person at a time if necessary.

Wheelchair OR 5K... I think I'll RUN!

So let's review.  Last August, I was writing goodbye messages to my kids in my journal and challenging The Almighty to finish up anything he had for me to accomplish in this life because I was done.  I was in constant debilitating pain.  The doctors had long since let me know that there was nothing to be done to improve my lot, they could only treat the symptoms.  Since I clearly didn't have the "willpower" to lose weight and I wasn't a candidate for weight loss surgery due to my history of blood clots, I would just have to try to manage the symptoms and accept that I would be in a wheelchair soon.  There was talk of amputating my leg because of the damaged circulation from a massive blood clot 20 years ago.  My knee had been a mess since 1982 when I shattered the knee cap and it was now bone-on-bone with bone spurs and arthritis and scar tissue.  My right shoulder was also "permanently" compromised from multiple tears in the rotator cuff that they couldn't operate on so it also had scar tissue, bone spurs and arthritis.  I had undergone physical therapy which helped a lot.  I was able to effectively use my right arm again at least.  Couldn't do overhead tasks with it and it caused me a great deal of pain but it was at least functional.  The stated goal of the PT with my shoulder and knee were to give me enough mobility to perform basic personal tasks on my own.  Like dressing myself and going to the bathroom. 
I also had ruptured discs in my back twice and had others that were deteriorating.  I was told I had "degenerative disc disease."  And then, in early 2013 came Paget's.  The pain in my back started becoming really unbearable over the 2012 holidays and I was afraid I had or was about to rupture another disc.  It turns out I actually had developed a disease called Paget's disease of the bone.  It was causing the bones in my pelvis and hip to become very soft and the combination of that with my severe obesity (I was about 320 at that point) was causing remodeling (deformities) in the bones.  It caused excrutiating pain to even have to sit upright in a kitchen chair or the seat of a car.  Walking was...  torture.  I had become effective house bound.  Rarely left my bedroom.
I had other medical issues; autoimmune disorders - Hashimoto's thyroiditis, myasthenia gravis, fibromyalgia - high blood pressure, irritable bowel.  Needless to say I took a number of perscription pills each day.  In July of 2013 I was a serious mess and had also started having symptoms of congestive heart failure.  I hid this and avoided my doctor as I had made the decision that I wasn't going to seek treatment.  That I was, in fact, going to stop taking ALL the pills and let nature take it's course.  I figured a stroke from the blood pressure would put me out of my, and everyone else's, misery quickly enough.
On August 17th, I was watching movies on Netflix and a movie came up in my "recommended for you" section called Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and the rest is history!  That was a Saturday.  Thursdays were my husbands paydays so on the 22nd I cleared out every single thing in my house that couldn't be juiced and stocked up.  I started my juice fast on August 23rd, 2013.  I consider that my "rebirth-day."  I don't live in pain anymore.  I swim and walk for exercise and have no issues with sitting, standing, walking, getting up and down off my knees, squatting.  But I haven't run yet.  I haven't run on land in over 25 years, maybe closer to 30.  I used to jog in the water, which I'm sure looked pretty crazy, because I didn't want my body to lose the muscle memory of HOW to run.  
So yesterday I was on Facebook and my oldest daughter, Bonni, posted that she had set up a team for the Tulsa Glow Run.  If anyone wanted to join her, it would be on August 23rd.  It took about a nanosecond for me to say, "I'll do it."  WHAT?!?!?!  Nine months ago I could walk across my yard without my son or husband to lean on! Even when I was active in my teens and twenties, I was into horses and swimming.  Never ran a race in my life! Was I crazy?!  Well, maybe so.  But just watch me run, baby.  I have 100 days to train.  I will be doing the Couch To 5K program 3 days a week and swimming 2-3 days.  
JUICE ON YA'LL!  I GOT THIS!!

Plateaus, Set Points and Other Boogeymen

I have said many times that even if I never lost another pound, I would continue to eat a plant-based diet and drink green juice because it has given me back my health.  I would reassure others who hit weight plateaus for a week or two to just keep at it and the weight would start to go down again.  Our bodies sometimes need time to adjust to this new way of being and doing, especially if we have been very overweight for a very long time.  I had been from 280 to 340 for a couple of decades.  So mid-March when I hit a plateau, I had to put my money where my mouth is so to speak.  I hit a plateau.  I hit 265 and my body froze, looked at me in horror and said, "Are you kidding me?  We're melting like the wicked witch after she got watered down by Dorothy! This ain't right!!!  Do you WANT to disappear?  What if there's a famine?  This is dangerous!  You can't just go losing weight willy nilly I tell you!"  
It didn't help that I had several extra-curricular stress activities pop up during this same time frame.  If you don't know or understand what the stress hormone, Cortisol, can do to weight loss efforts, look up Dr. John Bergman on youtube.  He explains it better than anyone else I've seen.  
So for a couple of weeks, I was totally zen about this plateau.  Seriously.  I really didn't let it bother me because I understood what was happening.  I had hit a lower weight than I'd seen in at least 15 years.  When it had been a month, I started to get worried in that scared, secret, small place inside me that has always feared this new found health and energy will be ripped away.  Right at this same time I was getting super busy trying to pack and clean to move out of this house finally.  After several months of planning to move, we are finally actually moving.  We HAVE to be out of this house by the end of the month even if it means camping out at the lake until we can find something else.  Long story....  anyway, I was extremely busy and having to use every coping mechanism I had not to let the stress get to me.  We had a very, very hard winter financially along with some other life stressors so it was no surprise, really, that the weight loss stalled.  Knowing and understanding that and dealing with seeing that number stay the same every day are two different things.  Actually, it didn't stay exactly the same.  My weight, as with most people, can fluctuate 3-5 pounds in any given week which is the main reason I usually weigh daily. So I had hit that 265 for about 2 days when my weight started doing a gentle rollercoaster up and down and up and down from 266 to 269 for weeks.  So I put the scale away.  I didn't want worry over that number to pull my focus away from the main thing which is my health.  I just played Dory and kept on swimming... and eating my plants and making my juice.  As Spring came on strong, I did what I had always planned to do and shifted more to raw fruits and salads and less soups and starches. Not a big shift but just a bit more of this and a bit less of that.  It felt right.  I felt a boost in energy almost immediately.  
I was out of town for over a week and got home last Wednesday night.  Thursday morning I decided to pull out the scale and see where I was at and it said 266.  Okay.  Saturday morning, 264.  Hey!  Monday morning, today, 261!  Yeah!  Bye-bye plateau!  I learned from you.  I let you be and you let me be and now we must part ways.  See ya!
That plateau lasted nearly two months.  I learned that I really do have the power of my convictions within me to put my health first.  I really felt that my body would eventually begin to seek a healthier weight once again.  But I knew that if it didn't or if it took a year or two for that to happen, I would be okay in the meantime as long as I continued to flood my body with real nutrition.  I learned some valuable lessons about myself.  I have said many times that how I feel is far more important than how I look and I proved to myself that this was true.  I've said that I have learned to trust my body.  Now I've proven it.  I've also proved to myself that if the scale becomes a detriment, I can just put it away.  
I recently watched a video shared by my friend, Lori.  It was posted by a bariatric surgeon and explained how our bodies will establish "set points" at a very high weight.  He went into the anthropology of it all.  His point was to make us feel hopeless to lose the weight without surgery.  FALSE.  The problem is that most people hit those points where their body is trying to adjust to the changes you've made, the weight loss slows or stops so they tighten down on the calories even more.  They starve their cells which makes the body freak out even more.  "Starvation!  She's trying to kill us!"  If you hit your plateau - or your new "set point" - and you just keep FLOODING your body with amazing nutrition, your body WILL relax and realize that it is safe to allow more of that weight to go.  Truth.  Doctors selling hopelessness to line their pockets make me sick.  Right up until I drink my green juice or eat my bowl of fruit or salad.  THAT makes me very, very well:)
JUICE ON YA'LL.  WE GOT THIS!!

Exciting Plans for March

So, February is over and I'm glad to see it go.  The weather is gradually getting better and better although there are still way too few sunny days for my taste.  We are supposed to get ice and frigid temps for Sunday and Monday but then it is supposed to warm up to normal temps for this area and time of year.  So with the majority of the really cold stuff behind us, I am confident enough to go ahead and start another juice fast.  I'm juicing at least through March and maybe part or all of April.  I'm calling this my March Juicing Madness!
I reached my second 10% goal in February so that was a huge victory that put me at 275.5 and I actually got down to 273.  But overall February weight loss was quite slow.  I believe that it is probably normal for our bodies to hold onto the weight tighter when we are exposed to frequent subzero temps as a safety mechanism and I was definitely exposed.  Not as in, "Baby It's Cold Outside" so I'll stay in my house where it's nice and warm.  Oh no!  I'm talking cold as in my house is a pile of crap and you can't keep it warm.  Cannot.  I have been freezing my assets off this winter.  But I just feel in my bones that my body is ready to start letting it go again so as a kick start, I'm back on Da Juice!  I have my brain in juicing gear so that I'm not even looking at or thinking about the chewed stuff.  That is the hard-to-describe difference between wanting to do a juice fast and having it just not take off like I did earlier this winter and a juice fast that is working for me.  I'm in the zone baby.  
I'm really pumped because the 10% goal I'm working on right now is to go from 275.5 to 248.  Making 248 will put me just 8 pounds away from having lost 100lbs.  So I've been hoping that I could hit 248 by the end of March but now I'm thinking that I will go on into April however far it takes to actually hit 100lbs gone.  I'm really going to hit 100lbs gone!  Like within the next few weeks!  How exciting is that?!
I made a youtube vid about my March plans that I've also posted here on my blog and I am getting ready to upload one about willpower.  I said I didn't believe in willpower and a friend said she was curious about that and I should make a vid so I did:)  It'll be up shortly.  I don't usually feel like I really articulate what I'm trying to say in these videos which is frustrating for me as public speaking is another one of those things that I used to be good at:/  But it is a personal challenge I've set for myself.  It's almost therapeutic.  
So that's where I'm at for March.  I'm planning to weigh in on Fridays so I'll at least post progress blogs on Friday or Saturday of each week.
JUICE ON! WE GOT THIS!!!

JANUARY JUICE AND CHEW DAY 10

So with the van broke down, it was late evening before we got any groceries.  We usually get our groceries on Thursday afternoon so we were out of just about everything!  No greens!  No carrots!  No oranges or lemons!  It was pretty crazy so  I didn't have any juice today:'(  I did take my water way up.  I was a bit constipated for the first time since I started this whole thing and I realized that with the cold weather I was literally, even with herbal tea, only getting about 20oz of water each day.  No bueno.  I ended up just doing a lot of snacking and water drinking today.  We'll see how that plays out on the scale tomorrow and the next day (I don't believe results of what we eat today always show up immediately.)  So without further ado...

Weigh-in this morning 280.6
76oz water
Large salad
Grapefruit
3 tangerines
1 banana
Quinoa with red peppers and spinach - 1.5 cups
Small apple
1 oz raisins
1 cup popcorn

I suspect my calories were low today.  That definitely might slow me down a bit but maybe with the increased water I'll be okay.  Anyway, I feel like my body felt sufficiently nourished.  As I said, it was just a lot of snacking.  I prefer when I divide my eating into some semblance of meals but I'm not really concerned.  I have a lot on my non-food "plate" right now and I'm keeping it healthy, which is the bottom line.  But I have to say I really can't wait to get up in the morning and get my juice on:)  Speaking of which, JUICE ON!!

There Are No Magic Bullets, But There Are Miracles

Every time I find myself describing my journey to someone new, I realize just how much I sound like an infomercial or like I'm just caught up in the pink fluffy honeymoon cloud of a "new diet" but I've never in my life stuck to a diet for this long much less been in the "honeymoon" phase of it for several months and going strong.  This has most definitely settled into lifestyle mode.  

 So that begs the question, how can a simple change of diet create the incredible changes I've experienced.  Well, lets look at a few things.  First, getting the disgusting mess the local grocer passes off as meat and animal products that I was eating - hormones, puss in the milk etc - out of my body.  Just removing those has to help. If I had changed to homegrown, grass fed, lean cuts and healthy prep and still ate the meat, I would be better off but still not as good as just getting the animal protein out of my diet. (If you aren't following me here, read the China Study and/or watch Forks Over Knives.)  I'm 90% animal protein free.  I still eat a serving of fish 2 or 3 times a month, have a bit of organic chicken or turkey in the crockpot soup once or twice a month and I have an organic, cage-free, hormone free, preferably locally grown boiled egg a couple times a week.  I don't know if I will eventually eliminate those or not.  Even the China Study noted that the cancer growth and other bad effects weren't triggered with a low intake of animal protein.  So I'm good with this for now.  

 Next, let's note that my diet went from very near zero fresh fruit and veggies to a good 75% freggies.  That alone had to be a huge shock (of the good variety) to my system.  At this point, every system and cell in my body has to be singing for joy.  It's like, "Halleleujah! She's finally giving us something to work with!"  
Now let's add the fact that I juice and blend a lot of freggies and add really nutrient dense, natural additives like ground flax etc.  Now you are taking the great nutrients that your average healthy eater would consume in a day and putting all those nutrients into one serving.  You are literally just FLOODING your system with nutrients it's been deprived of for decades.  

 Our bodies are amazing self-healing machines but we take a machine that has the ability to repair itself and even regenerate on its own but we deny it the building blocks it require to do that.  And then we wonder why we fall apart.  So what do we do?  Instead of handing it those high-quality, sound and solid building blocks that God gave us in abundance, we give it man made imitations made of cardboard and chemicals.  And then we wonder why we fall apart!

 One last thing to consider that really just makes our body sing is that even when I was eating a salad or drinking juice before, it was made and packaged and stored and shipped and stored again before I ate it.  If I had ever gotten ground flax in something, it had probably lost most of it's nutritional value before it got to me.  Now, I grind my flax seeds, throw that into the soup or smoothie and consume it.  No nutrional loss there.  Again, tons more nutrients hitting my body than it is used to.  And next year is really going to take it up a notch as I will be able to just go to my own garden and pick the veggies as fresh as fresh gets:)

 So if I sound like a crazy infomercial sometimes; if it sounds crazy to say that I went from depressed, barely able to walk across a room, in constant pain and a mental fog every day of my life and then literally became pain free, regained my energy, improved health conditions dramatically, started losing weight at a steady pace and regained a much higher degree of mental clarity all within days of starting a juice fast and now I'm still feeling fantastic just as much after 4 months of a clean, plant-based diet, you can understand that I'm not promoting the latest fad or a magic bullet or even a "diet."  I'm just saying to eat the way God meant you to.  Eat the abundance of things he gave us to thrive on.  If that includes meat for you then at least make that a smaller ratio of your calories and make it fresh, untainted by a disgusting industry and prepare it in a healthy way.  
 It's not a miracle... and yet it is the biggest miracle of all.  How miraculous that those plants include all those crazy nutrients that really can heal, regrow, vitalize and maximize the potential of every cell in your body.  The things your doctor throws his hands in the air over and just writes another script for?  Your creator gave you the cure.  When the few doctors who have actually studied the topic of healing through nutrition say, "Sure, a plant based diet would help my patients but they won't follow it so I just give them a pill instead."  You can shout, "I'll do it!  I'll heal myself with nutrition!"  Maybe more doctors will seek out that information and share it with their other patients if they have patients coming in with dramatic improvements and telling them, "I don't need those pills, doc.  I stopped taking those months ago."  I am praying that by the time my grandkids are grown, they will defy all those predictions about the newest generation of children dying younger than their parents did. 

Three Types of People You Meet in Juicing Communities

I have watched all the youtube videos and read all the blogs I could find by and about people who lose weight juice fasting and/or a whole food/plant-based diet/high raw diet etc. Yes. A lot of people do regain the weight but the ones who have the courage to come back and tell you what went on will tell you exactly why. (Check out Steve Crider's latest videos STEVE CRIDER YOUTUBE CHANNEL- love that guy because he is honest and never gives up!) They regained the weight because they went back to eating whatever they used to eat that made them fat in the first place.  If you do what you've always done, you will end up where you've always been. I read and watched and researched and read some more.  I saw that many people regain the weight with juicing and WFPB diets just as they do with WW, Atkins, South Beach and Weight-loss surgery.  I took all that in and used it to motivate me to really research and plan so that when I was finished with my first actual juice fast, I would have a solid plan in place for what I was going to eat for the rest of my life to continue to lose weight and eventually maintain a healthy weight, feel great, live an active and joyful life and love my food all at the same time. And I have. I NEVER would have believed that I would love eating like this and I sure as heck never thought I would LOVE eating like this. I grew up a country girl. We raised our own beef, chickens, and pork. I showed livestock in the shows and went hunting with my dad. Vegans and vegetarians were extremist nutcases. (Note - Personally, I still think PETA is nuttier than fruitcake.) Well, call me nutty because I am now very near vegan and I LOVE what I eat every single day. And my two teenagers have gone along for the ride and are losing weight as well and they love the food too! And my 19 year old was one of those kids who never touched a veggie other than a tomato or canned corn EVER before we started this. (No! I'm NOT counting french fries.  That is a fat, not a veggie, in  my book.)

Here's the thing. I really believe there are three types of people around juice fasting communities. Those who think they want this, try it and, within days or maybe a couple of weeks at most, decide it is too hard. Even though detox has been explained to them, they may become certain that juice is making them sick.  They drop out and are never heard from again.  Then there are those who throw themselves into it and white knuckle their way through a nice long juice only fast while counting the days til they can once again hit the Burger King drive through or pat themselves on the back for having more veggies on their pizza than they used to. They lose a ton of weight and then promptly gain it all back. It is absolutely true and can't be repeated often enough; If you do what you've always done, you end up where you've always been. One hundred percent accurate!  Funny how that works:/  

Then there are those who use the time on juice fast to allow the process to fundamentally change them. If you are one of these people, you come to realize that this doesn't just change what you are doing for a few days or weeks or even months; it changes everything. It is physical, mental and emotional. You discover things about yourself that you didn't know before including inner reserves of strength. You educate yourself. You discover that your weight gain had nothing to do with lack of willpower and that you've been duped by a huge industry into becoming addicted to things that harm you in order to make them richer. You get pissed and You. Change. Everything. And you love it! Free of all the salt and sugar and chemicals, your taste buds come back to life! You rediscover that the foods given us by our creator actually are wonderful to the taste without all the chemicals and that foods that aren't over-processed and overcooked and genetically modified taste better and sustain our bodies the way they were intended to be. You relearn what healthy feels like. You rediscover having energy to burn.  You realize the miraculous thing that the human body really is!  It begins to heal itself!  I have a number of friends who have gotten off of blood pressure medication just as I have and off of asthma meds and acid reflux meds like my daughter has and even off of INSULIN!  The body can and will heal and regenerate itself if you flood it with all the nutrients it needs.

I'm NOT saying everyone has to give up meat or dairy or gluten as I did. But it is certainly wise to very cautiously add those substances back in and pay attention to the effect on your body.  Most of the ones I know who are still losing or maintaining after a long period of time have definitely made whole-food/plant based foods the center of their diet. And I literally do not know one who has maintained while still eating a processed, junk-food based diet. I really, really recommend you check out Dan Miller's web page here: DAN MILLER WEB PAGE  or go to DAN MILLER JUICING & PLANT-BASED FOOD  and look over his discussion thread there.  I'm in there as Natshell:) Dan has been at this a long time and has more knowledge and information available on this topic (not to mention succes at losing and maintaining for a long period) than anyone else I know of and he is great at answering questions.

I assume most people who find my blog have already watched Fat Sick and Nearly Dead but if you haven't, do so!  I also strongly recommend anyone who hasn't already, please watch Forks Over Knives. If you are a reader, read The China Study, The Pleasure Trap, Wheat Belly and Clean. Check out youtube videos and websites by Dr. McDougall, Dr Fuhrman, Dr Esselstyn and Rip Esselstyn, Douglas Lisle and Robert Lustig. Let one discovery lead to another. Make it your business and your top priority to discover what food/long-term diet will best serve your weight and your health once you aren't juice fasting anymore. Shouldn't your health and well-being be a top priority?  Lots of people do regain weight after juice fasting. But YOU don't have to be one of them. 

Guest Blogger Reynolds - Surely Juice fasting isn't (gasp) ever difficult!?

Hello Ladies and Germs, it appears to me that contrary to all previous articulated notions to the contrary, doing a juice fast can, for some, in certain specific circumstances, be just a tinge on the difficult side.

Who would have thought? Let's see.... ceasing to chew food after decades of that thrice daily ritual ... ingesting liquids that look like your grandpa in South Louisiana just dipped a pitcher into the swamp to conduct mosquito larvae experiments... giving up our favorite foods of Snickers and Cornflakes on rye and cold Chef-Boyardee ravioli with apricot and dark chocolate pieces... living in a world where inundation from food sellers is more difficult than winning the lottery three times in one week... being ridiculed, criticized and called crazy by our FRIENDS!!! ... having removed from our listening pleasure the melodic sound of freshly produced cellophane wrappers crackling in our fat little fingers... having that little invisible monkey that piggybacks around with you screeching that he is hungry at the top of his lungs ... and the icing on the cake, so to speak, having to wash the dog in the backyard as your sadistic neighbor grills burgers and bacon every night. Then you realized that you've bathed the dog in the back yard four times this week already.

This is a big head game, this juice fasting. It is an exercise in distraction, illumination, redirection, denial and wistfully hoping.

It is all about dealing with THIS hour. Whatever it takes is what it takes. Taking a walk, cleaning the bathroom, calling your mother, vacuuming the car, weeding the roses, reading a book, watching Fat Sick and Nearly Dead again. Whatever it takes. The big thing is you have to believe that rebooting is beneficial and worth the sacrifices. Has stepping on the scale and seeing a smaller number show up, does that spin your top? How about knowing that you just began the process of expelling decades of stored toxins in your body, likely extending your life and making your remaining years healthier? If none of that works, then get creative. Try following a squirrel into a tree and do the squirrel bark at him until he looks mad enough to jump on you. Get creative!

Just please, please........... don't go eat 19 twinkees and a bag of Oreos and expect to feel good tomorrow, or feel good about yourself. It is not gonna happen. We are rooting you on gal. We've walked that walk. It is all about THIS HOUR. So just win this hour. Whatever it takes.

- See more at: http://community.rebootwithjoe.com/discussions/topic/100-lbs-or-more-starting-a-9113-30-day-reboot?p=135#sthash.Ys8JReho.dpuf

Dear Doctor, Why?

I have spoken many times about all the medical issues I faced before starting my journey to self-healing and weight loss.  It was pretty grim.  Over the last few decades, I (and my insurance companies) have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to make my life bearable.  In all those years, I found pretty much zero help or relief.  I just got progressively worse and worse.  The answer to many if not all the problems I was having was as simple as changing my grocery list.  Yes, I spend a little more on groceries now but, recall that "hundreds of thousands" I mentioned?  Not hyperbole folks. So there's expensive and then there's expeeensive.  And there is more than one sort of "cost."  Basically, what's it worth to you?  Expensive is a relative term  A $50k house is a bargain basement find!  But a $50k car is expensive!  What's the value of the thing is a a better question that what is the cost.  So to me, my new diet is not expensive.  For it's value, it is quite cheap.  How much do you spend on perscriptions?  What if your food was your food and your medicine?

First off, I find it laughable when people say to me that they can't afford all this "expensive" produce but it is actually a serious issue for many so let's talk about that for a moment.  I understand tight budgets.  No really, I do.  We have been on the nothing-but-ramen-noodles-all-week diet more than a few times.  I know from broke.  But most of the time in recent months, before becoming whole foods/plant based and juicing (WFPB from now on) we spent around $125-175 per month on food for the family.  We also ate out at least once, often two or three times every week.  It was our payday ritual.   We usually got pizza or Sonic or Arby's or Taco Bell.  Taco Bell and Little Caesars are cheap for those weeks we had a more limited food budget.  But that was an additional $15 to $60 per week or more.  And then let's add up all the stops at Quick Trip for soda and a "snack."  Am I the only one who would routinely spend $5 on #%$!* every time I filled up the gas tank of my car?  I think not.  So I was spending $150-200 per week on crap that was killing me.  Literally.  Literally crap and literally killing me.  Not to mention the money I was spending on medications I no longer need. Nowadays, I routinely spend $180 a week on food.  I haven't spent a solitary dime on fast food, packaged junk or convenience store snacks in 4 months.  Yup, that WFPB diet is just too expensive.  Still think it is too expensive?  Check out Ellen Jaffe Jones.  You can find her on facebook and youtube.  I am not sure if her website is working but she also wrote a book called Vegan on $4 a day.  And then there is this blog: http://homelessformyhealth.blogspot.com/.   Go read it.  Seriously.  AFTER reading that blog, you come tell me that a healthy diet is too expensive.

Now, on to the things that are really on my mind today.  A couple of things I have been hearing lately really have me pissed.   Both have to do with doctors.  First off, why the holy heck in all the years I've been to doctor after doctor, spent many weeks in hospitals and had dozens of very expensive tests done and been lectured about my weight continuously, has no doctor ever, once suggested that I had a leaky gut or gluten intolerance.  Never once has any of them suggested I try eliminating sugar or dairy.  Not ONE medical professional has ever suggested that people who eat primarily a plant based diet have little to no heart disease, cancer or diabetes.  You know why?  Because they know squat about nutrition.  Seriously.  They can't tell you what they don't know.  There is, of course,  the problem of  the bought and paid for research they are being fed by USDA, FDA and Big Pharma plus there is the absolute absence of any real education.  In medical school, our future physicians get a few hours of training in nutrition.  Hours.  NOT class hours or credit hours.  As in your history class counts as 4 credit hours.  No.  A few actual clock hours of their entire education.  Don't believe me? Check this out:

The approximate time devoted to nutrition science over the first two years of my medical education is a measly 6 hours....  James Haddad  [http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/12/nutrition-taught-medical-school.html]  After the first two years they are in actual medical settings as interns and residents.  With live patients.

Your doctor was not taught nutrition unless he went out on his own time and dollar and researched it himself.  Since doctors in training have all that.. ya know... spare time.  And since becoming a doctor, he is consistently fed the SAD conventional wisdom that is killing us all by degrees.  So when people ask me if my doctor is on board with me going WFPB and all the juicing, my response is, "I don't give a rat's tail."  My nutrition is up to me.  

The other thing that set me off was several instances of hearing that what few doctors actually got the memo that WFPB diets can prevent a host of diseases dropped the ball anyway.  Mostly.  There are those few voices in the wilderness but your average physician in your average town or city?  Well, the prevailing attitude seems to be that they don't bother recommending any radical change in diet because patients will likely find it too challenging and won't follow through.  Changing your way of eating is too hard.  Why bother when weight loss surgery is so much easier.  And heck, many insurance plans are starting to cover it now too!  Bonus!  (In case you missed it, insert heavy sarcasm there.)  So if even one doctor over the years looked at me and thought, "Damn woman!  All you need to do is make salad the main dish!  Throw out the cheese and the bread and eat some veggie stew instead."  he or she then decided that I couldn't possibly have the physical or mental fortitude to deal with such advice so they just scheduled the next MRI or bone scan, filled out another perscription and sent me home.  We are being treated like idiots and fools by the people we trust with our lives.  Weak idiots and fools.  Sure lots of people say, "Oh I couldn't do that!"  But the problem is that they don't really believe in it.  If our doctors were educated enough and committed enough to our health to really teach it to their patients, a LOT of them would say, "It will actually give me my health and energy back?! I can do that!"  Some wouldn't.  So for them, doctor, go ahead and schedule that next scan and write that next prescription.  Do what you can to prepare them for the fact that their lives will be shorter and more painful and miserable.  But at least learn what you need to know to give as many of us as possible a shot at real health.  I know the first rule is supposed to be "do no harm" but shouldn't that be closely followed by "do as much good as you possibly can?"  

11 WEEKS IN - An Update

It is pretty crazy to think that we only started this new lifestyle 11 weeks ago.  I haven't blogged as much lately because I tend to think I don't have anything interesting going on.  I'm just a mom and grandma dealing with day to day life just like anyone else.  I forget that certain things about our lifestyle nowadays are considered "non-norm."  I forget that it is not "normal" to find no meat and no dairy in the average kitchen.  I forget that not every mom hears their teenagers arguing over who took all the mushrooms in the salad.  "I want mushrooms too!"  LOL  The average home probably doesn't have 10 pints of beet/apple/carrot/ginger juice in the frig.  For about a minute; until the teenagers discover it.  Not every house on the block contains 3 ladies who have lost a combined total of 115 lbs in the last 3 months.  Is it normal for you to spend 90% of your grocery shopping time and money in the produce section?  I used to barely glance in there; maybe to grab some bananas for the grandkids or a bag of potatos.  Is the average families trash made up almost entirely of juice pulp and peelings?  Where are all the cans and boxes and plastic containers?

Here are the problems we have lately:
Honey, should we sell the microwave?
No!  I heat up my lemon/ginger water in there in the mornings!

I am NEVER going to finish my holiday knitting if I don't find some time to sit and knit!

Mom! We're out of celery!

I can't BELIEVE I was dumb enough to consume gluten again!  Gluten makes me ill!  What was I thinking?!!!

So life around here is just the same old boring routine as anyone elses.... With a few twists;o)  And the most beautiful part is that I am actually participating in that routine.  I'm not sitting in my room watching life go on without me.  Yes, I am still on the program.  Yes, I am still losing weight although it isn't beating any speed records.  I have broken through to the 200s again but since I hit 299 last week, I haven't lost any more.  The scale likes to screw with me  like that.   I'm not worried.  I am giving my body what it really needs and trusting it to do the rest.  Meanwhile, I feel fantastic!
A few things have changed.  I no longer have to mindfully create positive dialogue about my food. I don't have to say to myself, "Those foods are poison to me.  I am not the sort of person that eats whatever is easiest.  I nourish my body."  I don't have to mindfully say those things any more than I have to mindfully say, "I am a mom.  I am a wife."  They are just who I am.  And did I mention I feel fantastic?

Guest Blogger - Reynolds

I am a member of the fantastic community of juice nuts at rebootwithjoe.com based on Joe Cross and his experiences as seen on "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead."  My friend Reynolds is the guy that everyone in our group turns to for wisdom and inspiration.  He is in the middle of this same journey that I am on and, like me, feels that nothing in this world is going to offer the things that juice fasting can.  Another friend on the group had had a pretty significant slip-up on day 6 of her first juice fast and wondered if she should just give up and "pig out for a few days" or jump right back into juice fasting or maybe just try to transition onto a healthy "diet" instead of juice fasting.  She got tons of great advice and support but Reynolds words really hit home for many of us.  I asked him if I could post his reply here and he agreed so here it is.  Someone out there needs to hear this.  I just have this feeling.

Heathie: I read your post then went offline to compose a thoughtful response. When I came back to post, Katie had posted her very sage advice gleaned from numerous reboots over the last 6 months where she trimmed over 100 pounds from her frame. My words are very similar to hers, I'm just more long-winded. But the common points on which we both touch, we hope resonate with you. Here is mine:

ROFL..... Heathie your number three, "pig out a few days and then start back?" had me splitting my side. You probably don't get it but Natalie, Katie and Jana do for sure.

You are likely saying, "but I wasn't trying to be funny." Exactly! You were asking the SAME question every Fattie asks themselves when they get a mouthful of mud... "so do I just go back to being who I was for all those years?" Every single one of us in this forum have had huge doubts when we stumbled and we asked that same question.

Here is the whole enchilada wrapped up in a long thought :

All fat people got that way for a reason, maybe three. Once fat, we had family, friends and society send us mixed messages about our rising weight. At some point we became obese, and while we learned a host of excuses to push back anyone who cautioned or criticized us, we never managed to get around to accepting responsibility for STAYING fat. It is one thing to get fat over our teenage and young adult years, but it is another thing to keep gaining in our twenties, thirties and forties. Jana, Natslie, Katie and I are all near or above 50. Sure, we'd tried to lose weight every year or two. But we never found a way to get it off and keep it off. Until we ran into Joe Cross and juice fasting.

Heathie, what happens on a JF is a fundamental change in the mind. It doesn't come with most any other weight reduction plan. During a prolonged JF the mind is allowed, yes even forced, to put some distance between food and ourselves. Not having reason to be so intimate with chewed foods for a period of time allows us to reduce, and even remove, the emotional bonds that exist between EVERY Fattie and food. Finally, the stranglehold food has had on us is broken, literally, for the first time. It is not a permanent break up, necessarily, and yes that is the challenge of every Fattie that has gone through an extended JF must deal with.

I can't tell you how many days you have to be on a JF (10-45?) before the brain makes the switch and the mind sees things like it has NEVER seen them before. That change has as many looks as there are people doing a JF. But most JFers come to the realization that they have been lied to by the commercial food companies, but worse they've been egregiously lying to themselves as well.

During the JF the combination of detoxing, losing lots of weight and stepping back some distance from food synergizes together to give the person a birdseye view of food, addiction, compulsion, cravings and binging. I guess it is akin to seeing a ghost or Bigfoot. -- you might later question what you saw, but at the time you were unmistaken in what you saw. It is that pronounced of an awakening. The trick is to live out what we know. But we have 10-20-30 years of bad habits and only days/weeks/months at having a deep appreciation of vegetables and juicing.

So it is hard at first to win every single fight with our compulsive/addictive self. We'll lose once a day, then once every third day, then once every week, until finally ... finally the body relents and goes along with what the mind has been saying! Then, the struggle is cut to a fraction and the person is "over the hump." Will he or she struggle occasionally? Most certainly. But the struggle isn't at 10:42am, 2:39pm, 6:05pm, 8:47pm -- it is once every week or so.

The addiction is broken, but no immunity is created or a magic shield thrown up around the person. The lust of the eye is still there. The difference is that the new mind sees food differently. It no longer is a surrogate lover as it was. Now it is something to use as needed to meet a basic nutritional need. Sure, enjoying food is fine, but seeking pleasure from food no longer controls your every chewing decision. Most critical for the typical JFer out living in the chewing world again is the ability to master perceptions of food and thereby strictly controlling what goes in the body. There is no longer a free-for-all where just anything goes. We cant kid ourselves anymore. When eating again, every meal is a considered decision. Do want me to say that again? Every meal is a considered decision.

So why this loooong post? Well, what I'm telling you is this, it is so US. So fattie, to flop off the horse and then say, "oh what the hell, I think I'll just go eat a pan of peach cobbler." That is what fatties do routinely.

But in the near future, maybe within only a week or two, you too will recoil from the thought of going and pigging out with every stumble. Soon, you'll want to flee from pig outs as you will see them for what they are -- compulsive , uncontrolled bouts of mania. Yep, as part of JFing the mind changes its perceptions and with the changed perceptions comes a changed behavior. But! It is possible to slide back into the abyss, so vigilance is required for a long time, usually for more than a year.

Have you ever talked with someone that has climbed a massive peak like Kilimanjaro or Denali? Invariably they will mention that besides being staggeringly difficult dealing with all the adversities, it was a very specific system to summit and return to base camp safe. Freelancing was tantamount to death. The many that had gone before had spelled out all the problems and obstacles threatening each climber. While only thousands had done it before, nevertheless all the perils, risks, pitfalls and dilemmas any climber could face were very well articulated and defined by previous climbers writing about their experience.

So it is with a JF. There are no new wrinkles to be discovered by a new JFer. The struggles are all well known and written about here and in many blogs. It is important to know that what each of us are going through on our JF, is completely commonplace. It is predictable! Really!

Oh, not everyone has the exact same issues of headaches and diarrhea, or like. But your weaknesses, cravings, panics, listlessness and other symptoms experienced in your JF are the same ones the rest of us have experienced. Promise! So you see where I'm going with this -- learn from climbers that have summitted and come down to tell about it. Don't think for an instant that you , or me, or Natalie, or Katie, or Jana or Danielle -- can beat the established path that has been blazed ahead of us. We simply can't do it. Knowing the regimen and then sticking to it is imperative. We just aren't smart enough to find a new, better route up the mountain. Stick to the known, proven routes. Going rogue has bad consequences.

So what! You fell off the horse! You did it. Now that is history. Are you going to live in that momentary failure or instead jump back on the horse and ride. I hope you choose the latter, and choose it immediately.

Heathie, you have inside you a champion. But you'll have to find that champion. Usually the champion doesn't show up in the first couple of days as that time is so full of confusion, angst and flailing about.

But she will show up if you stay on the horse. But, before she does, it seems like you are about to expire. The body throws a fit, and then capitulates finally in day 4, 5 or 6. This gets lots easier. We are sure rooting for you and want you to ride with us on our journey to get healthy and lose weight. We hereby grant you a full absolution of your face plant! Now c'mon, go with us. You can only fail if you quit. So don't quit! :)

- See more at: http://community.rebootwithjoe.com/discussions/topic/100-lbs-or-more-starting-a-9113-30-day-reboot?p=83#sthash.AEETWGPg.dpuf

The Gluten Question

Well, for me at least, the question is settled. A few months ago, after some research and reading*, I decided to try eliminating gluten for a couple of weeks to see if it helped with how horrible I felt back then. It did seem to help and I was pretty much convinced that I was one of the unlucky few to have significant problems with modern wheat gluten. I was trying to keep it out of my diet as much as possible. 

Fast forward to October. After juice fasting for several weeks and then combining plant-based clean eating with juice, I was completely gluten free. And if you've read any of my blogs, you know I was feeling fantastic. My experiment during the Spring was done when my diet overall was a mess. I noticed a reduction in joint pain and stomach pain and brain-fog but any improvement was just a matter of degree. I had come to think that was all I could ever expect from anything so that was good with me. Well now, I know that I don't have to settle for a few degrees better; I can demand GREAT! So I decided to redo the gluten experiment. 

This past week, I reintroduced very healthy, limited portions of sprouted, whole-grain bread back into my diet. For the first time since I began my juice fast, I have had stomach pain, brain-fog and aching joints. Also (coincidence maybe? I kinda doubt it....) the first week I haven't lost a single pound. So that's enough proof for me to make a decision. FOR ME, the gluten question is resolved. No gluten for me. I don't settle for better any more. I want to keep feeling fantastic. I am not saying that everyone should eliminate gluten, but I would recommend that if you have a pretty healthy diet and are still struggling with weight loss and/or digestive issues, joint pain, brain fog, fatigue, etc, it might be worth it to at least try a couple of weeks without it and then put it back into your diet to see if it affects symptoms. 

*Wheat Belly by William Davis is a good laymans introduction to the issue but I always advocate looking up the research for yourself if you can.  The wheat we are sold today is NOT the same as the wheat our ancestors ate.  That much is fact.  You can have all the opinions your little heart desires but you can't have your own set of facts.  Wheat today barely resembles the wheat from even 100 short years ago.  If GMOs aren't remotely disturbing to you then...  wake up.

Just One Bite?

If you have tried a few (or many) diets like I have, you have at some point encountered a certain school of thought that has been on my mind a lot lately.  For example, there is currently a weight watchers commercial where the lovely, thin woman says she WILL sometimes have a cupcake, just not the whole cake.  Many diet books/gurus will tell you that you should not eliminate any particular food.  "Don't tell yourself you can never again eat cookie cake because then you won't want to stick to it."  Right?  You follow me?  That is a very common belief.  If you try to think you can never have this or that special yummy that you love then you'll quit because you can't face life without pizza, or Snickers or whatever.

I understand where this train of thought comes from.  I do.  And I understand that if we talk in terms that are super rigid and unforgiving, some people won't ever start and others won't last long.  Many believe that they are setting themselves up to fail if they don't allow for the occasional indulgence.  I'm not saying that we should never indulge in something diet-naughty ever again.  I'm not saying I won't ever indulge again.  I AM saying that my idea of what is an indulgence has changed.  And I think that for long-term success and happiness in this new lifestyle, that is what has to happen.  And after talking to many, many juicers and recently converted vegans and raw-foodists, etc, that can and WILL happen if you give yourself half a chance.  Pretty much everyone says the same thing, "My taste buds really HAVE changed!" And we all say it with the same tone of wonder and disbelief in our voices and on our faces.  Lets face it, for those of us weighing in the 300s and 400s, we didn't get there by having an appetite for loads of raw veggies.  Those were the things we didn't mind having a bit of with our meat and butter laden mashed potatos and before our cupcake... or whole cake.

I don't need people telling me that it's okay to have a cupcake.  I got to 340 lbs telling myself that.  If I eat really healthy food 90% of the time, then a cupcake won't hurt anything, right?  Well, of course it won't.  But here's the problem: nobody who has gotten to be fat, sick and nearly dead (thank you Joe Cross;o)  has the ability to eat "healthy" by conventional wisdom standards and then occasionally treat themselves with a frigging cupcake.  Truth.  I know I'll take some heat for this view but it's truth and sometimes truth hurts.  If we COULD do that, don't you think we would have already?  Would you tell someone who is a few months after having their last cigarette that just one cigarette won't hurt. It'll make you feel like you can keep going!  Hello Ms Alcoholic who spent a couple years in jail for DUI and got sober 6 months ago, have a drink.  Just one won't hurt anyone and it'll make you feel like you can stick it out longer.  IT'S THE SAME.  IT'S THE SAME. IT'S THE SAME!!!!!!!

If I could have done this the "conventional wisdom" route, I certainly already would have.  Certainly tried often enough.  I tried with Weight Watchers, I tried with Atkins, I tried with tracking and balancing the key nutrients on Sparkpeople (NOT dissing Sparkpeope - it is a FANTASTIC tool/resource that I use every day) and I tried Nutrisystems where they sent me prepackaged meals... including ittle-bitty "healthy" cupcakes.  I tried cabbage soup and some email "pre-surgery" diet that involved lots of tunafish and bananas.  I lost weight with every single plan I tried.  And then I gained weight.  I didn't throw my hands up and just give up and turn around and start going to McDonalds again.  (At least usually I didn't... there were times.)  Usually, it happened something like this:  

Day 12:  I think I'm really going to have to have a little treat at the birthday party or I'll feel too deprived and give up.  And of course, I can't turn down Aunt Mary's special recipe macaroni and cheese or I'll hurt her feelings.

Day 13:  I really shouldn't have had that 3rd piece of cake.  I'll be super, extra good the rest of this week.

Day 14: One little piece of pizza isn't so bad.  I'll eat just salad for supper.

Day 15: What do you mean I gained a pound?!  I have to get down to business and stick to the plan perfectly this week.  Right after I pout with this Sonic meal that I really can't avoid because I don't have time to do anything else today because of x, y and z.

Fast forward to Day 21 by which time I have gradually phased myself right back into eating whatever falls into my hands the easiest.  

Here's the thing, the one thing, the MAIN thing.  We super-fatties don't do Just One Bite.  We don't even usually do Just One Piece.  We might stick to just one at the party (because we fatties aren't supposed to let anyone else see us eat) but then when we get home, we'll have another and usually another.   We "just one piece" ourselves into guilt, shame, rage and yet another 25 or 50 or 80 lbs by that time next year.  And it isn't lack of willpower or lack of character or pure-dee old gluttony; it's addiction.  Addictive substances are added to almost everything the modern American eats.  Yes, even those tasty little weight-watcher's entrees.  It is also a big heaping dose of misinformation.  The people we should be able to trust to tell us what we need to know to feed our families and ourselves in a healthy manner, you know who I mean, the FDA and the Department of Agriculture etc, they lie.  They pander to the money and they lie to us.  Straight up.  

So is it hopeless then?  Do we accept that we can't moderate our own eating.  Fall into the shame and blame trap?  Fail to even try because life is no fun without sugar and deep-fat fried everything? No because we can CHANGE what we crave.  We CAN change what constitutes an indulgence for us.  For real.  I'm not talking about pasting on a smile and pretending that we are just loving having this salad at Olive Garden while the family all eat lasagna and eggplant parmesan.  I'm talking about really, for real finding ourselves loving the taste of clean, fresh, whole, veggies that are not slathered in butter or cheese sauce.  Feeling that we have really treated ourselves to a splurge when we have banana/berry sorbet from our blender.  There really IS a magic pill.  Go cold-turkey on EVERYTHING processed, packaged and made by man for a while.  Become a strict whole food junkie for just a while.  Or do what I did, watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and then watch Forks Over Knives and then do a juice fast.  After just a week on nothing but fresh-made veggie/fruit juice, I stopped craving things.  After a couple of weeks on juice, I literally found the taste thought of over-processed junk posing as food (like those little frozen weight watchers dinners and cupcakes) repulsive.  And after several weeks of an almost exclusively juice diet, as we test the waters of what foods work for us and figuring out what we actually like now, we really truly don't like the taste of the same crap that we used to feed on all the time.  When my grandkids were over the other day, their mama brought some food with them since they surely couldn't survive the day on just fruits and veggies.  Harmoni (my 17 year old) and I tasted one of the "chicken strips."  I looked at her and she said to me, "I can't believe that used to be chicken to me.  That's disgusting."  And today, she tasted a little taste of the kind of peanut butter we used to buy and said that it didn't taste good... in fact, it didn't taste like peanuts!  (We use Smuckers Natural peanut butter now.  It's the best stuff!  Nothing in there but peanuts.)  We have found that salad actually tastes really good with some herbs and a tiny bit of vinaigrette on it.  We really don't have to smother it in ranch dressing.  (Read the ingredients on that little bundle of joy sometime.  Ugh!)

So, the point of this not-so-short rant is that, yes, I am pretty hard line.  No I'm not okay with the idea of a bit of birthday cake to show solidarity.  No, I'm not going to pretend it's okay if I ever DO slip up and eat something disgusting.  It's not okay.  I'm not going to beat myself up and dwell on it but I'm not going to say it's okay and I'm certainly not going to plan ahead to do it.  People don't regain all the weight they lose on any eating plan by just turning right around and heading back the way they came, they turn around little by little by little.  They turn around by taking just one bite.  And then a few more.  We all have choices in life.  Every day I make the choice to ONLY eat things my body truly needs.  Think about that for a minute.  How much of what you eat does your body truly need? Answer: Very. Damn. Little.  Every day I make the choice to find comfort, entertainment and pleasure in other ways.  It doesn't have to be through my food.  It sounds so trite to say that feeling this healthy is better than how any food out there tastes.  What's that saying?  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Well, there sure as heck isn't anything that tastes as good as healthy and energetic and getting thinner every day feels.  Nothing.  And I refuse to just-one-bite myself back into the trance of processed, poisonous, addictive crap that 99% of people think is food.  News flash: McNuggets aren't food.  Food is the carrier of the nutrients our body needs into our system.  McNuggets and Totinos pizza and Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup carry a few nutrients on the back of literal poison.  Addictive poison.  I'm over it.

This:

Or this: