Thanksgiving Plans

I have been asked by quite a few people how I'm going to handle Thanksgiving.  Thankfully, I have a very uncomplicated, supportive and understanding family so I am under no real pressure to fix or even attend a big, fattening, American fat fest on Thanksgiving. Why do we Americans take everything sacred, every beautiful occasion and turn it into something kind of vulgar and all about consumption. MORE presents, MORE booze, MORE food. (sigh) I'm kind of over it. I want to be with loved ones, eating something that make me feel great and watching some football. For that, I will be extremely thankful. LOL I realize that some people have much more complicated family expectations but for me, it is simple. No traditional meal or comfort food is worth losing what I've gained. I was literally crippled with my weight and with disease so no way am I giving that up for a pumpkin pie or even my mom's stuffing. My Mom has passed and her stuffing is a big tradition for us.  But I promise if you put in a call to Heaven and ask her, she will tell you that my good health and the amazing new habits I have cultivated are way more important to her than any food.  I don't need that stuffing to feel close to her.  I have looked up amazing, beautiful and yummy recipes that will not damage my body that I can celebrate with. All that being said, if you aren't as lucky as I am in this area, you have to decide what is best for you.  A lot of people are juicing right up to Tday and then just letting themselves completely off the hook for a couple of hours during that meal and then getting right back on juice fast. At least that is their plan. I suspect it will be a struggle for a lot of people. I also know quite a few who are going to go to the family gathering and have some nice lean turkey breast and a big helping of salad and some fruit and call it good. Everyone has to make their own decision. For someone who was as bad off as I was and then given a miracle, it is an easy decision. My friend Jana posted a pic the other day that pretty much says it for me. "Don't give up what you want MOST for what you want RIGHT NOW." Natalie Michaele

Thyroid Cure?

I just picked up a Woman's World magazine because there was an article in it about a book called "Hormone Cure" by Sara Gottfried, MD.  Thyroid medicine is one of the few perscriptions I'm still supposed to be taking.  I say supposed to be because I have chosen to stop taking all perscriptions to give my body a chance to do what good it can with all this terrific new nutrition I'm giving it.  In a few months, I'll get checked out and then see if there is anything the doctor thinks I need to go back to using.  And I'll think about it;o)  So anyway, my interest was piqued and I'm not a fan of reading a magazine in the checkout line and then putting it back.  Feels dishonest.

So Dr. Gottfried outlines a sample days menu and describes the basis of her plan.  Imagine by surprise (read a heavy dose of sarcasm there) when I realized that basically she was just saying to go gluten free.  LOL  It was kind of cool to read her explanation though, since it isn't something I've had explained quite this simply before.  She says that "In the last 30 years, wheat has been genetically modified to have a higher gluten content."  The thyroid trouble occurs because "gluten is a sticky wheat protein so similar in shape to thyroid hormone that it can enter and block the body's receptors for thyroid hormone."

She basically says to swap things like sugar, bread, white rice and pasta for brown rice, beans and sweet potatos.  Hmmm, I already have! LOL  So now I stick to the plan and in a few months I will be very curious to see if my thyroid has improved.  I'll keep ya posted!

Guest Blogger - Reynolds

I am a member of the fantastic community of juice nuts at rebootwithjoe.com based on Joe Cross and his experiences as seen on "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead."  My friend Reynolds is the guy that everyone in our group turns to for wisdom and inspiration.  He is in the middle of this same journey that I am on and, like me, feels that nothing in this world is going to offer the things that juice fasting can.  Another friend on the group had had a pretty significant slip-up on day 6 of her first juice fast and wondered if she should just give up and "pig out for a few days" or jump right back into juice fasting or maybe just try to transition onto a healthy "diet" instead of juice fasting.  She got tons of great advice and support but Reynolds words really hit home for many of us.  I asked him if I could post his reply here and he agreed so here it is.  Someone out there needs to hear this.  I just have this feeling.

Heathie: I read your post then went offline to compose a thoughtful response. When I came back to post, Katie had posted her very sage advice gleaned from numerous reboots over the last 6 months where she trimmed over 100 pounds from her frame. My words are very similar to hers, I'm just more long-winded. But the common points on which we both touch, we hope resonate with you. Here is mine:

ROFL..... Heathie your number three, "pig out a few days and then start back?" had me splitting my side. You probably don't get it but Natalie, Katie and Jana do for sure.

You are likely saying, "but I wasn't trying to be funny." Exactly! You were asking the SAME question every Fattie asks themselves when they get a mouthful of mud... "so do I just go back to being who I was for all those years?" Every single one of us in this forum have had huge doubts when we stumbled and we asked that same question.

Here is the whole enchilada wrapped up in a long thought :

All fat people got that way for a reason, maybe three. Once fat, we had family, friends and society send us mixed messages about our rising weight. At some point we became obese, and while we learned a host of excuses to push back anyone who cautioned or criticized us, we never managed to get around to accepting responsibility for STAYING fat. It is one thing to get fat over our teenage and young adult years, but it is another thing to keep gaining in our twenties, thirties and forties. Jana, Natslie, Katie and I are all near or above 50. Sure, we'd tried to lose weight every year or two. But we never found a way to get it off and keep it off. Until we ran into Joe Cross and juice fasting.

Heathie, what happens on a JF is a fundamental change in the mind. It doesn't come with most any other weight reduction plan. During a prolonged JF the mind is allowed, yes even forced, to put some distance between food and ourselves. Not having reason to be so intimate with chewed foods for a period of time allows us to reduce, and even remove, the emotional bonds that exist between EVERY Fattie and food. Finally, the stranglehold food has had on us is broken, literally, for the first time. It is not a permanent break up, necessarily, and yes that is the challenge of every Fattie that has gone through an extended JF must deal with.

I can't tell you how many days you have to be on a JF (10-45?) before the brain makes the switch and the mind sees things like it has NEVER seen them before. That change has as many looks as there are people doing a JF. But most JFers come to the realization that they have been lied to by the commercial food companies, but worse they've been egregiously lying to themselves as well.

During the JF the combination of detoxing, losing lots of weight and stepping back some distance from food synergizes together to give the person a birdseye view of food, addiction, compulsion, cravings and binging. I guess it is akin to seeing a ghost or Bigfoot. -- you might later question what you saw, but at the time you were unmistaken in what you saw. It is that pronounced of an awakening. The trick is to live out what we know. But we have 10-20-30 years of bad habits and only days/weeks/months at having a deep appreciation of vegetables and juicing.

So it is hard at first to win every single fight with our compulsive/addictive self. We'll lose once a day, then once every third day, then once every week, until finally ... finally the body relents and goes along with what the mind has been saying! Then, the struggle is cut to a fraction and the person is "over the hump." Will he or she struggle occasionally? Most certainly. But the struggle isn't at 10:42am, 2:39pm, 6:05pm, 8:47pm -- it is once every week or so.

The addiction is broken, but no immunity is created or a magic shield thrown up around the person. The lust of the eye is still there. The difference is that the new mind sees food differently. It no longer is a surrogate lover as it was. Now it is something to use as needed to meet a basic nutritional need. Sure, enjoying food is fine, but seeking pleasure from food no longer controls your every chewing decision. Most critical for the typical JFer out living in the chewing world again is the ability to master perceptions of food and thereby strictly controlling what goes in the body. There is no longer a free-for-all where just anything goes. We cant kid ourselves anymore. When eating again, every meal is a considered decision. Do want me to say that again? Every meal is a considered decision.

So why this loooong post? Well, what I'm telling you is this, it is so US. So fattie, to flop off the horse and then say, "oh what the hell, I think I'll just go eat a pan of peach cobbler." That is what fatties do routinely.

But in the near future, maybe within only a week or two, you too will recoil from the thought of going and pigging out with every stumble. Soon, you'll want to flee from pig outs as you will see them for what they are -- compulsive , uncontrolled bouts of mania. Yep, as part of JFing the mind changes its perceptions and with the changed perceptions comes a changed behavior. But! It is possible to slide back into the abyss, so vigilance is required for a long time, usually for more than a year.

Have you ever talked with someone that has climbed a massive peak like Kilimanjaro or Denali? Invariably they will mention that besides being staggeringly difficult dealing with all the adversities, it was a very specific system to summit and return to base camp safe. Freelancing was tantamount to death. The many that had gone before had spelled out all the problems and obstacles threatening each climber. While only thousands had done it before, nevertheless all the perils, risks, pitfalls and dilemmas any climber could face were very well articulated and defined by previous climbers writing about their experience.

So it is with a JF. There are no new wrinkles to be discovered by a new JFer. The struggles are all well known and written about here and in many blogs. It is important to know that what each of us are going through on our JF, is completely commonplace. It is predictable! Really!

Oh, not everyone has the exact same issues of headaches and diarrhea, or like. But your weaknesses, cravings, panics, listlessness and other symptoms experienced in your JF are the same ones the rest of us have experienced. Promise! So you see where I'm going with this -- learn from climbers that have summitted and come down to tell about it. Don't think for an instant that you , or me, or Natalie, or Katie, or Jana or Danielle -- can beat the established path that has been blazed ahead of us. We simply can't do it. Knowing the regimen and then sticking to it is imperative. We just aren't smart enough to find a new, better route up the mountain. Stick to the known, proven routes. Going rogue has bad consequences.

So what! You fell off the horse! You did it. Now that is history. Are you going to live in that momentary failure or instead jump back on the horse and ride. I hope you choose the latter, and choose it immediately.

Heathie, you have inside you a champion. But you'll have to find that champion. Usually the champion doesn't show up in the first couple of days as that time is so full of confusion, angst and flailing about.

But she will show up if you stay on the horse. But, before she does, it seems like you are about to expire. The body throws a fit, and then capitulates finally in day 4, 5 or 6. This gets lots easier. We are sure rooting for you and want you to ride with us on our journey to get healthy and lose weight. We hereby grant you a full absolution of your face plant! Now c'mon, go with us. You can only fail if you quit. So don't quit! :)

- See more at: http://community.rebootwithjoe.com/discussions/topic/100-lbs-or-more-starting-a-9113-30-day-reboot?p=83#sthash.AEETWGPg.dpuf

My Personal Dialogue

I belong to several wonderful and amazing groups who are committed to the same path that I have, more or less.  I also follow every committed juice faster and raw foodist that I can find on youtube.  Lately I have seen a rash of people hitting "bumps in the road."  It always hurts my heart to see/hear someone questioning their own commitment and wondering if they should throw away all they've accomplished because of the slip ups, whether it be the first one or the 101st one.  I have a favorite saying: "You never fail until you quit."  The problem is that when you really screw the pooch and dive headfirst into a mountain of processed or fast food, all your past failures and all the nasty chemicals start whispering to you that you are a failure; that  you "can't do it" and trying to convince yourself to tune those voices out is really hard while you are under that influence.  It's like trying to talk to an alcoholic about AA WHILE they are drunk.  It just doesn't work.

I consider there to be two kinds of slip-ups.  Lets get this straight first.  There are slip-ups and then there is screwing the pooch.  A slip-up is, for example, eating too much of a food that is actually allowed on your plan.  The food is okay but you ate much more of it than planned.   Or perhaps you ate a slice of tomato while on a juice fast.  It isn't going to really mess with your head in a chemical way but it wasn't "The Plan."  Now screwing the pooch is an entirely different thing.  For example, going for a value meal at McDonalds, possibly followed up with a box of donuts or a trip to Braum's for a brownie fudge sundae.  Of course, there are also all the degrees in between.  I have had slip-ups but since I started down this path back in August, I haven't screwed the pooch even once.  Not even close.  I see these people who seem so committed and so strong and who are even having great results slip and sometimes fall altogether.  The ones who just never show back up break my heart.  The ones that get up, dust themselves (and the juicer) off, and trot right back down that path again are heroes.

As I said, I've encountered quite a few of both types of slip-ups, fall-downs and crash and burns lately and it's got me asking myself how have I avoided it?  I have only experienced the milder version of slip-ups and one week of trying to put bread back into my diet and discovering that was a bad idea.  (Previous blog - and for the record, I have taken off the 7 lbs I regained from that little experiment as of today.)  Every healthy thing I have attempted in my entire life, I have screwed the pooch within short order and then I've given up entirely.  Every time and there have been many.  Weight watchers, Nutrisystem, Atkins, South Beach, you name it.  I have been the Crowned Queen of excuses and giving up.  How have I avoided that?

I know this will sound simplistic but it really, really isn't.  I have not screwed any pooches this time for a couple of simple reasons.  This plan, this path is awesome.  That's reason number one.  I don't feel deprived.  I have learned the truth about the caca I was eating before and I really, truly, deeply don't have any interest in putting that junk in my body anymore.  The other reason is a little harder to articulate so bear with me.

I have changed my personal dialogue.  I don't stand in front of a mirror and tell myself I'm thin and healthy and becoming more successful every day.  I have literally internalized and come to believe different things about myself.  I think of myself as someone who has conquered a huge slavering beast and come out of it with super powers, because I did.  I think of myself as someone who loves all those beautiful rainbow treats in the produce section, because I am.  I think of myself who has the number of the food industry liars and the FDA and the Dept of Ag liars and doesn't fall for their bs anymore.  I'm smarter than that.  I think of myself as someone who sets a good example for her family and friends because I AM.  And I think of myself as someone who is clearly losing weight and becoming healthier and stronger every day Because. I. Am.

I am human and, let's face it, the holidays are approaching like a locomotive.  I was concerned that the first big test would be all the masses of Halloween candy that appeared a couple of weeks ago.  But honest to goodness, it just isn't even on my radar.  Not even when a friend holds out a big basket of it and says, "have a piece!"  I mean it sincerely when I say it isn't even difficult to say, "No thanks."  If I ever, finally, face that day, that situation, that I can't say no to and I experience a true Screw-the-pooch moment, I am confident that I will have the strength to turn right back down my chosen path.  But I reject the conventional wisdom that says that day is inevitable.

The Gluten Question

Well, for me at least, the question is settled. A few months ago, after some research and reading*, I decided to try eliminating gluten for a couple of weeks to see if it helped with how horrible I felt back then. It did seem to help and I was pretty much convinced that I was one of the unlucky few to have significant problems with modern wheat gluten. I was trying to keep it out of my diet as much as possible. 

Fast forward to October. After juice fasting for several weeks and then combining plant-based clean eating with juice, I was completely gluten free. And if you've read any of my blogs, you know I was feeling fantastic. My experiment during the Spring was done when my diet overall was a mess. I noticed a reduction in joint pain and stomach pain and brain-fog but any improvement was just a matter of degree. I had come to think that was all I could ever expect from anything so that was good with me. Well now, I know that I don't have to settle for a few degrees better; I can demand GREAT! So I decided to redo the gluten experiment. 

This past week, I reintroduced very healthy, limited portions of sprouted, whole-grain bread back into my diet. For the first time since I began my juice fast, I have had stomach pain, brain-fog and aching joints. Also (coincidence maybe? I kinda doubt it....) the first week I haven't lost a single pound. So that's enough proof for me to make a decision. FOR ME, the gluten question is resolved. No gluten for me. I don't settle for better any more. I want to keep feeling fantastic. I am not saying that everyone should eliminate gluten, but I would recommend that if you have a pretty healthy diet and are still struggling with weight loss and/or digestive issues, joint pain, brain fog, fatigue, etc, it might be worth it to at least try a couple of weeks without it and then put it back into your diet to see if it affects symptoms. 

*Wheat Belly by William Davis is a good laymans introduction to the issue but I always advocate looking up the research for yourself if you can.  The wheat we are sold today is NOT the same as the wheat our ancestors ate.  That much is fact.  You can have all the opinions your little heart desires but you can't have your own set of facts.  Wheat today barely resembles the wheat from even 100 short years ago.  If GMOs aren't remotely disturbing to you then...  wake up.

Just One Bite?

If you have tried a few (or many) diets like I have, you have at some point encountered a certain school of thought that has been on my mind a lot lately.  For example, there is currently a weight watchers commercial where the lovely, thin woman says she WILL sometimes have a cupcake, just not the whole cake.  Many diet books/gurus will tell you that you should not eliminate any particular food.  "Don't tell yourself you can never again eat cookie cake because then you won't want to stick to it."  Right?  You follow me?  That is a very common belief.  If you try to think you can never have this or that special yummy that you love then you'll quit because you can't face life without pizza, or Snickers or whatever.

I understand where this train of thought comes from.  I do.  And I understand that if we talk in terms that are super rigid and unforgiving, some people won't ever start and others won't last long.  Many believe that they are setting themselves up to fail if they don't allow for the occasional indulgence.  I'm not saying that we should never indulge in something diet-naughty ever again.  I'm not saying I won't ever indulge again.  I AM saying that my idea of what is an indulgence has changed.  And I think that for long-term success and happiness in this new lifestyle, that is what has to happen.  And after talking to many, many juicers and recently converted vegans and raw-foodists, etc, that can and WILL happen if you give yourself half a chance.  Pretty much everyone says the same thing, "My taste buds really HAVE changed!" And we all say it with the same tone of wonder and disbelief in our voices and on our faces.  Lets face it, for those of us weighing in the 300s and 400s, we didn't get there by having an appetite for loads of raw veggies.  Those were the things we didn't mind having a bit of with our meat and butter laden mashed potatos and before our cupcake... or whole cake.

I don't need people telling me that it's okay to have a cupcake.  I got to 340 lbs telling myself that.  If I eat really healthy food 90% of the time, then a cupcake won't hurt anything, right?  Well, of course it won't.  But here's the problem: nobody who has gotten to be fat, sick and nearly dead (thank you Joe Cross;o)  has the ability to eat "healthy" by conventional wisdom standards and then occasionally treat themselves with a frigging cupcake.  Truth.  I know I'll take some heat for this view but it's truth and sometimes truth hurts.  If we COULD do that, don't you think we would have already?  Would you tell someone who is a few months after having their last cigarette that just one cigarette won't hurt. It'll make you feel like you can keep going!  Hello Ms Alcoholic who spent a couple years in jail for DUI and got sober 6 months ago, have a drink.  Just one won't hurt anyone and it'll make you feel like you can stick it out longer.  IT'S THE SAME.  IT'S THE SAME. IT'S THE SAME!!!!!!!

If I could have done this the "conventional wisdom" route, I certainly already would have.  Certainly tried often enough.  I tried with Weight Watchers, I tried with Atkins, I tried with tracking and balancing the key nutrients on Sparkpeople (NOT dissing Sparkpeope - it is a FANTASTIC tool/resource that I use every day) and I tried Nutrisystems where they sent me prepackaged meals... including ittle-bitty "healthy" cupcakes.  I tried cabbage soup and some email "pre-surgery" diet that involved lots of tunafish and bananas.  I lost weight with every single plan I tried.  And then I gained weight.  I didn't throw my hands up and just give up and turn around and start going to McDonalds again.  (At least usually I didn't... there were times.)  Usually, it happened something like this:  

Day 12:  I think I'm really going to have to have a little treat at the birthday party or I'll feel too deprived and give up.  And of course, I can't turn down Aunt Mary's special recipe macaroni and cheese or I'll hurt her feelings.

Day 13:  I really shouldn't have had that 3rd piece of cake.  I'll be super, extra good the rest of this week.

Day 14: One little piece of pizza isn't so bad.  I'll eat just salad for supper.

Day 15: What do you mean I gained a pound?!  I have to get down to business and stick to the plan perfectly this week.  Right after I pout with this Sonic meal that I really can't avoid because I don't have time to do anything else today because of x, y and z.

Fast forward to Day 21 by which time I have gradually phased myself right back into eating whatever falls into my hands the easiest.  

Here's the thing, the one thing, the MAIN thing.  We super-fatties don't do Just One Bite.  We don't even usually do Just One Piece.  We might stick to just one at the party (because we fatties aren't supposed to let anyone else see us eat) but then when we get home, we'll have another and usually another.   We "just one piece" ourselves into guilt, shame, rage and yet another 25 or 50 or 80 lbs by that time next year.  And it isn't lack of willpower or lack of character or pure-dee old gluttony; it's addiction.  Addictive substances are added to almost everything the modern American eats.  Yes, even those tasty little weight-watcher's entrees.  It is also a big heaping dose of misinformation.  The people we should be able to trust to tell us what we need to know to feed our families and ourselves in a healthy manner, you know who I mean, the FDA and the Department of Agriculture etc, they lie.  They pander to the money and they lie to us.  Straight up.  

So is it hopeless then?  Do we accept that we can't moderate our own eating.  Fall into the shame and blame trap?  Fail to even try because life is no fun without sugar and deep-fat fried everything? No because we can CHANGE what we crave.  We CAN change what constitutes an indulgence for us.  For real.  I'm not talking about pasting on a smile and pretending that we are just loving having this salad at Olive Garden while the family all eat lasagna and eggplant parmesan.  I'm talking about really, for real finding ourselves loving the taste of clean, fresh, whole, veggies that are not slathered in butter or cheese sauce.  Feeling that we have really treated ourselves to a splurge when we have banana/berry sorbet from our blender.  There really IS a magic pill.  Go cold-turkey on EVERYTHING processed, packaged and made by man for a while.  Become a strict whole food junkie for just a while.  Or do what I did, watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and then watch Forks Over Knives and then do a juice fast.  After just a week on nothing but fresh-made veggie/fruit juice, I stopped craving things.  After a couple of weeks on juice, I literally found the taste thought of over-processed junk posing as food (like those little frozen weight watchers dinners and cupcakes) repulsive.  And after several weeks of an almost exclusively juice diet, as we test the waters of what foods work for us and figuring out what we actually like now, we really truly don't like the taste of the same crap that we used to feed on all the time.  When my grandkids were over the other day, their mama brought some food with them since they surely couldn't survive the day on just fruits and veggies.  Harmoni (my 17 year old) and I tasted one of the "chicken strips."  I looked at her and she said to me, "I can't believe that used to be chicken to me.  That's disgusting."  And today, she tasted a little taste of the kind of peanut butter we used to buy and said that it didn't taste good... in fact, it didn't taste like peanuts!  (We use Smuckers Natural peanut butter now.  It's the best stuff!  Nothing in there but peanuts.)  We have found that salad actually tastes really good with some herbs and a tiny bit of vinaigrette on it.  We really don't have to smother it in ranch dressing.  (Read the ingredients on that little bundle of joy sometime.  Ugh!)

So, the point of this not-so-short rant is that, yes, I am pretty hard line.  No I'm not okay with the idea of a bit of birthday cake to show solidarity.  No, I'm not going to pretend it's okay if I ever DO slip up and eat something disgusting.  It's not okay.  I'm not going to beat myself up and dwell on it but I'm not going to say it's okay and I'm certainly not going to plan ahead to do it.  People don't regain all the weight they lose on any eating plan by just turning right around and heading back the way they came, they turn around little by little by little.  They turn around by taking just one bite.  And then a few more.  We all have choices in life.  Every day I make the choice to ONLY eat things my body truly needs.  Think about that for a minute.  How much of what you eat does your body truly need? Answer: Very. Damn. Little.  Every day I make the choice to find comfort, entertainment and pleasure in other ways.  It doesn't have to be through my food.  It sounds so trite to say that feeling this healthy is better than how any food out there tastes.  What's that saying?  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Well, there sure as heck isn't anything that tastes as good as healthy and energetic and getting thinner every day feels.  Nothing.  And I refuse to just-one-bite myself back into the trance of processed, poisonous, addictive crap that 99% of people think is food.  News flash: McNuggets aren't food.  Food is the carrier of the nutrients our body needs into our system.  McNuggets and Totinos pizza and Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup carry a few nutrients on the back of literal poison.  Addictive poison.  I'm over it.

This:

Or this:

My Motivation? It Couldn't Be Simpler.

My 5% Challenge team gave an assignment to write out our motivation for losing weight. Mine is, on the surface, a variation on the same theme as many other people. Health, legacy and looks. In that order. I used to care a lot more about the looks aspect and I still care but not NEARLY as much. I used to say that losing weight for my health was important but inside, I just wanted to look good and not be ashamed to be seen in a pair of shorts. I didn't want to look like a supermodel but I wanted to feel confident in my own skin. Nowadays, I tell people I am motivated by how my girls are learning such healthy habits now and how much more energy I have and (a big one for me) by my desire to be a horsewoman again. Oh man, I can't tell you how much I miss making horses a huge part of my life. But in reality it is much, much simpler. 

After facing life as a near recluse and very nearly bedfast, having to have other people take care of my needs, my home, my chores, etc, I have a very different perspective. When I say the number one thing is to regain my health, you can bank that. I had given up on any hope of getting much enjoyment out of life any more. I was hoping I would have a massive coronary so that my family (and I ) wouldn't have to suffer through years of my gradual decline. I felt that I was a very poor example to my teenagers of how to live a life. I wasn't able to be the kind of grandma that I wanted to be so I pretty much avoided spending more than an hour or so at a time with my grandkids. I had accepted that the "fun" portion of the program was over and I didn't particularly want to hang in there for the sad ending. I've never been into sad endings. 

When I watched the videos that lit that flame of hope once again in my heart, I didn't hesitate. I KNEW it was my last chance. I knew that this was what God wanted, no expected, from me so I did it. The change has been so dramatic, so fast and so unquestionable that there is just no turning back for me. Eating healthy, whole, clean foods and juicing fresh veggies in order to flood my body with the nutrients it has been longing for is the only option for me. 

People ask me how I can avoid my trigger foods or temptation or whatever and they don't understand when I tell them it just isn't an option any more. They think, "Oh sure, easier said than done." But it is easily done now. Yes, I meant what I said; it is EASILY done now. I have faced situations where huge triggers from my old life were offered to me on a platter and I was looked at askance for refusing. Was it hard to say no? Do I deserve a medal for having the courage to look that old favorite straight in the eye and then walk away? NO. Because it was EASY! Would it be hard for me to say no to Meth? Or crack? Or heroin? NO. I don't put poison in my body no matter how much fun someone tells me it is because I value my health, my integrity and my future much more than any momentary pleasure. Yes. It really is like that for me now. I can't say that I will never feel that pull again. Forever is a long time and it is asking for trouble to say never. But for now, by the grace of God, it is easy. I can walk on my own and I can swim and I HAVE NO PAIN. So I can eat a big beautiful salad or a bowl of yummy, homemade veggie soup and keep feeling like I have a future or I can eat a hamburger and fries and a cookie and climb back into my deathbed. 

So what is my motivation for sticking to the program? It's pretty simple when you boil it down. I. Want. To. Live. 

SCALE DRAMA

So here is what happened...  I bought a new scale back in August when I started my juice fast.  A fairly fancy one with a 400 lb weight capacity.  I knew I was significantly over 300 lbs (did NOT realize my 17 year old had hit 300 but she is 6'3" after all...) and I suspected that my son and daughter-in-law, who are at my house a lot while they are fixing up their new house, were at or near 400.  It was great for about a month. 

One day, after I had been on a plateau for several days, it suddenly dropped me from 312 to 305.  Weirder things have happened while juice fasting but I was dubious nonetheless so I changed the battery and weighed again.  Still, 305. Woohoo!  That meant I had made my first 10% weight loss goal!  Well, a couple of days later, I was at the pharmacy with my son and they have a doctors scale.  I hopped on and it said 312.  :'(   Ah well, se la vie.  I went home, changed the battery again, moved it to a hopefully more level spot on the floor of my very old, NOT level house, gave it a good thump or two and got it to say 312.  That was on the 29th.

Fast forward to today and my home scale still says 312 but now the pharmacy doctor's scale says 305.  I came home and thumped my scale a good one and now it gave me 10 different readings.  It first said 298 (I WISH!) and then 301 and then 305 and then 315 (NO.) and then 298 again... and on it went.  Yes, I stepped on it, let it zero out and stepped on it again ten times. 

So I guess that 5 really hefty people weighing on that thing several times a week for 2 months was more than it could take and it has lost it's marbles.  I will now be posting only my doctors scale weight.  I go there once or twice a week and that is plenty often to weigh myself.

Bad news for the day: my scale is dead.
Good news (which FAR outweighs the bad): I HAVE, in fact, met my first 10% goal!!! YEEEEEHAW!!!!!