The Gluten Summit - SOOO much information!

I read Wheat Belly several months before I saw FS&ND. I started trying to eliminate gluten - keyword there is trying:/ While under the influence of a toxic diet, trying to eliminate foods that are addictive in nature is HARD!  Once I got on my juicefast, of course, gluten was automatically eliminated. Along with sugar and dairy and added fats. LOL That is why coming off of juice fast is the ultimate perfect time to carefully and individually add things like that back in to see what causes a bad reaction. For me it was all of the above but especially the gluten. Dairy makes me nauseous and bloated but gluten is literally debilitating. VERY quickly.  Sugar just triggers food cravings and makes me think I'm hungry all the time.  

This week, I have been watching tons of video presentations of The Gluten Summit. It makes me really sad that the vids are only available for 24 hours because there is WAY more information than I can really assimilate and share in that short time period. I can't afford the DVDs unfortunately.  But one good outcome is that both my youngest girls have decided to eliminate gluten too. Harmoni was feeling yucky after a sandwich and said, "Mom, I wonder...." And she hasn't had any gluten anything since then, about 6 days ago. When we weighed in Friday, Gini was excited because she has lost 47 lbs but she said, "It is a little frustrating because I'm not losing this (pointing at her belly) as fast as I hoped." I said, "Get off the wheat." She said ok and went and threw out the last bit of bread in the house! She was the only one eating it by then. LOL So I'm really curious to see what her waist measurement is in a week or two. We already knew she was lactose intolerant and I've learned at The Gluten Summit that the two OFTEN go hand in hand but people don't realize it. People will even try elimination diets and when eliminating the gluten or the dairy doesn't have as much effect as they were hoping they give up not realizing that they need to try a period of giving up both. So many people just don't want to face the idea of giving up something they "love." Whether it is relationships or people. They say, "But I love it/him/her!" Instead they should look at whether or not it is a healthy reciprocal relationship.  If it isn't serving you well, kick it to the curb and don't look back!!!

Guest Blogger Reynolds - Surely Juice fasting isn't (gasp) ever difficult!?

Hello Ladies and Germs, it appears to me that contrary to all previous articulated notions to the contrary, doing a juice fast can, for some, in certain specific circumstances, be just a tinge on the difficult side.

Who would have thought? Let's see.... ceasing to chew food after decades of that thrice daily ritual ... ingesting liquids that look like your grandpa in South Louisiana just dipped a pitcher into the swamp to conduct mosquito larvae experiments... giving up our favorite foods of Snickers and Cornflakes on rye and cold Chef-Boyardee ravioli with apricot and dark chocolate pieces... living in a world where inundation from food sellers is more difficult than winning the lottery three times in one week... being ridiculed, criticized and called crazy by our FRIENDS!!! ... having removed from our listening pleasure the melodic sound of freshly produced cellophane wrappers crackling in our fat little fingers... having that little invisible monkey that piggybacks around with you screeching that he is hungry at the top of his lungs ... and the icing on the cake, so to speak, having to wash the dog in the backyard as your sadistic neighbor grills burgers and bacon every night. Then you realized that you've bathed the dog in the back yard four times this week already.

This is a big head game, this juice fasting. It is an exercise in distraction, illumination, redirection, denial and wistfully hoping.

It is all about dealing with THIS hour. Whatever it takes is what it takes. Taking a walk, cleaning the bathroom, calling your mother, vacuuming the car, weeding the roses, reading a book, watching Fat Sick and Nearly Dead again. Whatever it takes. The big thing is you have to believe that rebooting is beneficial and worth the sacrifices. Has stepping on the scale and seeing a smaller number show up, does that spin your top? How about knowing that you just began the process of expelling decades of stored toxins in your body, likely extending your life and making your remaining years healthier? If none of that works, then get creative. Try following a squirrel into a tree and do the squirrel bark at him until he looks mad enough to jump on you. Get creative!

Just please, please........... don't go eat 19 twinkees and a bag of Oreos and expect to feel good tomorrow, or feel good about yourself. It is not gonna happen. We are rooting you on gal. We've walked that walk. It is all about THIS HOUR. So just win this hour. Whatever it takes.

- See more at: http://community.rebootwithjoe.com/discussions/topic/100-lbs-or-more-starting-a-9113-30-day-reboot?p=135#sthash.Ys8JReho.dpuf

Thanksgiving Plans

I have been asked by quite a few people how I'm going to handle Thanksgiving.  Thankfully, I have a very uncomplicated, supportive and understanding family so I am under no real pressure to fix or even attend a big, fattening, American fat fest on Thanksgiving. Why do we Americans take everything sacred, every beautiful occasion and turn it into something kind of vulgar and all about consumption. MORE presents, MORE booze, MORE food. (sigh) I'm kind of over it. I want to be with loved ones, eating something that make me feel great and watching some football. For that, I will be extremely thankful. LOL I realize that some people have much more complicated family expectations but for me, it is simple. No traditional meal or comfort food is worth losing what I've gained. I was literally crippled with my weight and with disease so no way am I giving that up for a pumpkin pie or even my mom's stuffing. My Mom has passed and her stuffing is a big tradition for us.  But I promise if you put in a call to Heaven and ask her, she will tell you that my good health and the amazing new habits I have cultivated are way more important to her than any food.  I don't need that stuffing to feel close to her.  I have looked up amazing, beautiful and yummy recipes that will not damage my body that I can celebrate with. All that being said, if you aren't as lucky as I am in this area, you have to decide what is best for you.  A lot of people are juicing right up to Tday and then just letting themselves completely off the hook for a couple of hours during that meal and then getting right back on juice fast. At least that is their plan. I suspect it will be a struggle for a lot of people. I also know quite a few who are going to go to the family gathering and have some nice lean turkey breast and a big helping of salad and some fruit and call it good. Everyone has to make their own decision. For someone who was as bad off as I was and then given a miracle, it is an easy decision. My friend Jana posted a pic the other day that pretty much says it for me. "Don't give up what you want MOST for what you want RIGHT NOW." Natalie Michaele

Guest Blogger - Reynolds

I am a member of the fantastic community of juice nuts at rebootwithjoe.com based on Joe Cross and his experiences as seen on "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead."  My friend Reynolds is the guy that everyone in our group turns to for wisdom and inspiration.  He is in the middle of this same journey that I am on and, like me, feels that nothing in this world is going to offer the things that juice fasting can.  Another friend on the group had had a pretty significant slip-up on day 6 of her first juice fast and wondered if she should just give up and "pig out for a few days" or jump right back into juice fasting or maybe just try to transition onto a healthy "diet" instead of juice fasting.  She got tons of great advice and support but Reynolds words really hit home for many of us.  I asked him if I could post his reply here and he agreed so here it is.  Someone out there needs to hear this.  I just have this feeling.

Heathie: I read your post then went offline to compose a thoughtful response. When I came back to post, Katie had posted her very sage advice gleaned from numerous reboots over the last 6 months where she trimmed over 100 pounds from her frame. My words are very similar to hers, I'm just more long-winded. But the common points on which we both touch, we hope resonate with you. Here is mine:

ROFL..... Heathie your number three, "pig out a few days and then start back?" had me splitting my side. You probably don't get it but Natalie, Katie and Jana do for sure.

You are likely saying, "but I wasn't trying to be funny." Exactly! You were asking the SAME question every Fattie asks themselves when they get a mouthful of mud... "so do I just go back to being who I was for all those years?" Every single one of us in this forum have had huge doubts when we stumbled and we asked that same question.

Here is the whole enchilada wrapped up in a long thought :

All fat people got that way for a reason, maybe three. Once fat, we had family, friends and society send us mixed messages about our rising weight. At some point we became obese, and while we learned a host of excuses to push back anyone who cautioned or criticized us, we never managed to get around to accepting responsibility for STAYING fat. It is one thing to get fat over our teenage and young adult years, but it is another thing to keep gaining in our twenties, thirties and forties. Jana, Natslie, Katie and I are all near or above 50. Sure, we'd tried to lose weight every year or two. But we never found a way to get it off and keep it off. Until we ran into Joe Cross and juice fasting.

Heathie, what happens on a JF is a fundamental change in the mind. It doesn't come with most any other weight reduction plan. During a prolonged JF the mind is allowed, yes even forced, to put some distance between food and ourselves. Not having reason to be so intimate with chewed foods for a period of time allows us to reduce, and even remove, the emotional bonds that exist between EVERY Fattie and food. Finally, the stranglehold food has had on us is broken, literally, for the first time. It is not a permanent break up, necessarily, and yes that is the challenge of every Fattie that has gone through an extended JF must deal with.

I can't tell you how many days you have to be on a JF (10-45?) before the brain makes the switch and the mind sees things like it has NEVER seen them before. That change has as many looks as there are people doing a JF. But most JFers come to the realization that they have been lied to by the commercial food companies, but worse they've been egregiously lying to themselves as well.

During the JF the combination of detoxing, losing lots of weight and stepping back some distance from food synergizes together to give the person a birdseye view of food, addiction, compulsion, cravings and binging. I guess it is akin to seeing a ghost or Bigfoot. -- you might later question what you saw, but at the time you were unmistaken in what you saw. It is that pronounced of an awakening. The trick is to live out what we know. But we have 10-20-30 years of bad habits and only days/weeks/months at having a deep appreciation of vegetables and juicing.

So it is hard at first to win every single fight with our compulsive/addictive self. We'll lose once a day, then once every third day, then once every week, until finally ... finally the body relents and goes along with what the mind has been saying! Then, the struggle is cut to a fraction and the person is "over the hump." Will he or she struggle occasionally? Most certainly. But the struggle isn't at 10:42am, 2:39pm, 6:05pm, 8:47pm -- it is once every week or so.

The addiction is broken, but no immunity is created or a magic shield thrown up around the person. The lust of the eye is still there. The difference is that the new mind sees food differently. It no longer is a surrogate lover as it was. Now it is something to use as needed to meet a basic nutritional need. Sure, enjoying food is fine, but seeking pleasure from food no longer controls your every chewing decision. Most critical for the typical JFer out living in the chewing world again is the ability to master perceptions of food and thereby strictly controlling what goes in the body. There is no longer a free-for-all where just anything goes. We cant kid ourselves anymore. When eating again, every meal is a considered decision. Do want me to say that again? Every meal is a considered decision.

So why this loooong post? Well, what I'm telling you is this, it is so US. So fattie, to flop off the horse and then say, "oh what the hell, I think I'll just go eat a pan of peach cobbler." That is what fatties do routinely.

But in the near future, maybe within only a week or two, you too will recoil from the thought of going and pigging out with every stumble. Soon, you'll want to flee from pig outs as you will see them for what they are -- compulsive , uncontrolled bouts of mania. Yep, as part of JFing the mind changes its perceptions and with the changed perceptions comes a changed behavior. But! It is possible to slide back into the abyss, so vigilance is required for a long time, usually for more than a year.

Have you ever talked with someone that has climbed a massive peak like Kilimanjaro or Denali? Invariably they will mention that besides being staggeringly difficult dealing with all the adversities, it was a very specific system to summit and return to base camp safe. Freelancing was tantamount to death. The many that had gone before had spelled out all the problems and obstacles threatening each climber. While only thousands had done it before, nevertheless all the perils, risks, pitfalls and dilemmas any climber could face were very well articulated and defined by previous climbers writing about their experience.

So it is with a JF. There are no new wrinkles to be discovered by a new JFer. The struggles are all well known and written about here and in many blogs. It is important to know that what each of us are going through on our JF, is completely commonplace. It is predictable! Really!

Oh, not everyone has the exact same issues of headaches and diarrhea, or like. But your weaknesses, cravings, panics, listlessness and other symptoms experienced in your JF are the same ones the rest of us have experienced. Promise! So you see where I'm going with this -- learn from climbers that have summitted and come down to tell about it. Don't think for an instant that you , or me, or Natalie, or Katie, or Jana or Danielle -- can beat the established path that has been blazed ahead of us. We simply can't do it. Knowing the regimen and then sticking to it is imperative. We just aren't smart enough to find a new, better route up the mountain. Stick to the known, proven routes. Going rogue has bad consequences.

So what! You fell off the horse! You did it. Now that is history. Are you going to live in that momentary failure or instead jump back on the horse and ride. I hope you choose the latter, and choose it immediately.

Heathie, you have inside you a champion. But you'll have to find that champion. Usually the champion doesn't show up in the first couple of days as that time is so full of confusion, angst and flailing about.

But she will show up if you stay on the horse. But, before she does, it seems like you are about to expire. The body throws a fit, and then capitulates finally in day 4, 5 or 6. This gets lots easier. We are sure rooting for you and want you to ride with us on our journey to get healthy and lose weight. We hereby grant you a full absolution of your face plant! Now c'mon, go with us. You can only fail if you quit. So don't quit! :)

- See more at: http://community.rebootwithjoe.com/discussions/topic/100-lbs-or-more-starting-a-9113-30-day-reboot?p=83#sthash.AEETWGPg.dpuf

Just One Bite?

If you have tried a few (or many) diets like I have, you have at some point encountered a certain school of thought that has been on my mind a lot lately.  For example, there is currently a weight watchers commercial where the lovely, thin woman says she WILL sometimes have a cupcake, just not the whole cake.  Many diet books/gurus will tell you that you should not eliminate any particular food.  "Don't tell yourself you can never again eat cookie cake because then you won't want to stick to it."  Right?  You follow me?  That is a very common belief.  If you try to think you can never have this or that special yummy that you love then you'll quit because you can't face life without pizza, or Snickers or whatever.

I understand where this train of thought comes from.  I do.  And I understand that if we talk in terms that are super rigid and unforgiving, some people won't ever start and others won't last long.  Many believe that they are setting themselves up to fail if they don't allow for the occasional indulgence.  I'm not saying that we should never indulge in something diet-naughty ever again.  I'm not saying I won't ever indulge again.  I AM saying that my idea of what is an indulgence has changed.  And I think that for long-term success and happiness in this new lifestyle, that is what has to happen.  And after talking to many, many juicers and recently converted vegans and raw-foodists, etc, that can and WILL happen if you give yourself half a chance.  Pretty much everyone says the same thing, "My taste buds really HAVE changed!" And we all say it with the same tone of wonder and disbelief in our voices and on our faces.  Lets face it, for those of us weighing in the 300s and 400s, we didn't get there by having an appetite for loads of raw veggies.  Those were the things we didn't mind having a bit of with our meat and butter laden mashed potatos and before our cupcake... or whole cake.

I don't need people telling me that it's okay to have a cupcake.  I got to 340 lbs telling myself that.  If I eat really healthy food 90% of the time, then a cupcake won't hurt anything, right?  Well, of course it won't.  But here's the problem: nobody who has gotten to be fat, sick and nearly dead (thank you Joe Cross;o)  has the ability to eat "healthy" by conventional wisdom standards and then occasionally treat themselves with a frigging cupcake.  Truth.  I know I'll take some heat for this view but it's truth and sometimes truth hurts.  If we COULD do that, don't you think we would have already?  Would you tell someone who is a few months after having their last cigarette that just one cigarette won't hurt. It'll make you feel like you can keep going!  Hello Ms Alcoholic who spent a couple years in jail for DUI and got sober 6 months ago, have a drink.  Just one won't hurt anyone and it'll make you feel like you can stick it out longer.  IT'S THE SAME.  IT'S THE SAME. IT'S THE SAME!!!!!!!

If I could have done this the "conventional wisdom" route, I certainly already would have.  Certainly tried often enough.  I tried with Weight Watchers, I tried with Atkins, I tried with tracking and balancing the key nutrients on Sparkpeople (NOT dissing Sparkpeope - it is a FANTASTIC tool/resource that I use every day) and I tried Nutrisystems where they sent me prepackaged meals... including ittle-bitty "healthy" cupcakes.  I tried cabbage soup and some email "pre-surgery" diet that involved lots of tunafish and bananas.  I lost weight with every single plan I tried.  And then I gained weight.  I didn't throw my hands up and just give up and turn around and start going to McDonalds again.  (At least usually I didn't... there were times.)  Usually, it happened something like this:  

Day 12:  I think I'm really going to have to have a little treat at the birthday party or I'll feel too deprived and give up.  And of course, I can't turn down Aunt Mary's special recipe macaroni and cheese or I'll hurt her feelings.

Day 13:  I really shouldn't have had that 3rd piece of cake.  I'll be super, extra good the rest of this week.

Day 14: One little piece of pizza isn't so bad.  I'll eat just salad for supper.

Day 15: What do you mean I gained a pound?!  I have to get down to business and stick to the plan perfectly this week.  Right after I pout with this Sonic meal that I really can't avoid because I don't have time to do anything else today because of x, y and z.

Fast forward to Day 21 by which time I have gradually phased myself right back into eating whatever falls into my hands the easiest.  

Here's the thing, the one thing, the MAIN thing.  We super-fatties don't do Just One Bite.  We don't even usually do Just One Piece.  We might stick to just one at the party (because we fatties aren't supposed to let anyone else see us eat) but then when we get home, we'll have another and usually another.   We "just one piece" ourselves into guilt, shame, rage and yet another 25 or 50 or 80 lbs by that time next year.  And it isn't lack of willpower or lack of character or pure-dee old gluttony; it's addiction.  Addictive substances are added to almost everything the modern American eats.  Yes, even those tasty little weight-watcher's entrees.  It is also a big heaping dose of misinformation.  The people we should be able to trust to tell us what we need to know to feed our families and ourselves in a healthy manner, you know who I mean, the FDA and the Department of Agriculture etc, they lie.  They pander to the money and they lie to us.  Straight up.  

So is it hopeless then?  Do we accept that we can't moderate our own eating.  Fall into the shame and blame trap?  Fail to even try because life is no fun without sugar and deep-fat fried everything? No because we can CHANGE what we crave.  We CAN change what constitutes an indulgence for us.  For real.  I'm not talking about pasting on a smile and pretending that we are just loving having this salad at Olive Garden while the family all eat lasagna and eggplant parmesan.  I'm talking about really, for real finding ourselves loving the taste of clean, fresh, whole, veggies that are not slathered in butter or cheese sauce.  Feeling that we have really treated ourselves to a splurge when we have banana/berry sorbet from our blender.  There really IS a magic pill.  Go cold-turkey on EVERYTHING processed, packaged and made by man for a while.  Become a strict whole food junkie for just a while.  Or do what I did, watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and then watch Forks Over Knives and then do a juice fast.  After just a week on nothing but fresh-made veggie/fruit juice, I stopped craving things.  After a couple of weeks on juice, I literally found the taste thought of over-processed junk posing as food (like those little frozen weight watchers dinners and cupcakes) repulsive.  And after several weeks of an almost exclusively juice diet, as we test the waters of what foods work for us and figuring out what we actually like now, we really truly don't like the taste of the same crap that we used to feed on all the time.  When my grandkids were over the other day, their mama brought some food with them since they surely couldn't survive the day on just fruits and veggies.  Harmoni (my 17 year old) and I tasted one of the "chicken strips."  I looked at her and she said to me, "I can't believe that used to be chicken to me.  That's disgusting."  And today, she tasted a little taste of the kind of peanut butter we used to buy and said that it didn't taste good... in fact, it didn't taste like peanuts!  (We use Smuckers Natural peanut butter now.  It's the best stuff!  Nothing in there but peanuts.)  We have found that salad actually tastes really good with some herbs and a tiny bit of vinaigrette on it.  We really don't have to smother it in ranch dressing.  (Read the ingredients on that little bundle of joy sometime.  Ugh!)

So, the point of this not-so-short rant is that, yes, I am pretty hard line.  No I'm not okay with the idea of a bit of birthday cake to show solidarity.  No, I'm not going to pretend it's okay if I ever DO slip up and eat something disgusting.  It's not okay.  I'm not going to beat myself up and dwell on it but I'm not going to say it's okay and I'm certainly not going to plan ahead to do it.  People don't regain all the weight they lose on any eating plan by just turning right around and heading back the way they came, they turn around little by little by little.  They turn around by taking just one bite.  And then a few more.  We all have choices in life.  Every day I make the choice to ONLY eat things my body truly needs.  Think about that for a minute.  How much of what you eat does your body truly need? Answer: Very. Damn. Little.  Every day I make the choice to find comfort, entertainment and pleasure in other ways.  It doesn't have to be through my food.  It sounds so trite to say that feeling this healthy is better than how any food out there tastes.  What's that saying?  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Well, there sure as heck isn't anything that tastes as good as healthy and energetic and getting thinner every day feels.  Nothing.  And I refuse to just-one-bite myself back into the trance of processed, poisonous, addictive crap that 99% of people think is food.  News flash: McNuggets aren't food.  Food is the carrier of the nutrients our body needs into our system.  McNuggets and Totinos pizza and Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup carry a few nutrients on the back of literal poison.  Addictive poison.  I'm over it.

This:

Or this:

My Motivation? It Couldn't Be Simpler.

My 5% Challenge team gave an assignment to write out our motivation for losing weight. Mine is, on the surface, a variation on the same theme as many other people. Health, legacy and looks. In that order. I used to care a lot more about the looks aspect and I still care but not NEARLY as much. I used to say that losing weight for my health was important but inside, I just wanted to look good and not be ashamed to be seen in a pair of shorts. I didn't want to look like a supermodel but I wanted to feel confident in my own skin. Nowadays, I tell people I am motivated by how my girls are learning such healthy habits now and how much more energy I have and (a big one for me) by my desire to be a horsewoman again. Oh man, I can't tell you how much I miss making horses a huge part of my life. But in reality it is much, much simpler. 

After facing life as a near recluse and very nearly bedfast, having to have other people take care of my needs, my home, my chores, etc, I have a very different perspective. When I say the number one thing is to regain my health, you can bank that. I had given up on any hope of getting much enjoyment out of life any more. I was hoping I would have a massive coronary so that my family (and I ) wouldn't have to suffer through years of my gradual decline. I felt that I was a very poor example to my teenagers of how to live a life. I wasn't able to be the kind of grandma that I wanted to be so I pretty much avoided spending more than an hour or so at a time with my grandkids. I had accepted that the "fun" portion of the program was over and I didn't particularly want to hang in there for the sad ending. I've never been into sad endings. 

When I watched the videos that lit that flame of hope once again in my heart, I didn't hesitate. I KNEW it was my last chance. I knew that this was what God wanted, no expected, from me so I did it. The change has been so dramatic, so fast and so unquestionable that there is just no turning back for me. Eating healthy, whole, clean foods and juicing fresh veggies in order to flood my body with the nutrients it has been longing for is the only option for me. 

People ask me how I can avoid my trigger foods or temptation or whatever and they don't understand when I tell them it just isn't an option any more. They think, "Oh sure, easier said than done." But it is easily done now. Yes, I meant what I said; it is EASILY done now. I have faced situations where huge triggers from my old life were offered to me on a platter and I was looked at askance for refusing. Was it hard to say no? Do I deserve a medal for having the courage to look that old favorite straight in the eye and then walk away? NO. Because it was EASY! Would it be hard for me to say no to Meth? Or crack? Or heroin? NO. I don't put poison in my body no matter how much fun someone tells me it is because I value my health, my integrity and my future much more than any momentary pleasure. Yes. It really is like that for me now. I can't say that I will never feel that pull again. Forever is a long time and it is asking for trouble to say never. But for now, by the grace of God, it is easy. I can walk on my own and I can swim and I HAVE NO PAIN. So I can eat a big beautiful salad or a bowl of yummy, homemade veggie soup and keep feeling like I have a future or I can eat a hamburger and fries and a cookie and climb back into my deathbed. 

So what is my motivation for sticking to the program? It's pretty simple when you boil it down. I. Want. To. Live. 

The Beginning - A Near Death Life

This is the story of how I came back to life.  About 6 weeks ago, I wrote in my journal about giving up.  About losing my faith and believing that all that was left for me was a not so gradual decline into death.  I told God (no I wasn't raised to try to tell God what to do but I was that low) that if He had any more plans for me He had better get on with them.  My mother had the faith of a giant and instilled the faith of generations of women into me.  It was not easy to admit that I was losing that.  But my condition was such that it was just a simple matter of common sense to see that I wasn't going to last long and that the journey to the end wasn't going to be much fun.  

Now this is a story of hope and triumph and victory over obesity, illness, premature death and loss of faith and hope.  It is about learning to be my own advocate, do my own research and take charge of my health and my life.  But to give you an idea of what a miracle this has been, you have to have a clear picture of where I started.  I know it will sound crazy.  I know that some will not believe how bad it was or how good it is now but that isn't my problem.  I am writing this blog in case anyone, any one person, might be helped or encouraged or inspired by what has happened to me.  I make two promises to whomever may be reading this.  I will blog at least once a week, usually more, and I will be 100% honest.  I will try to figure out how to do an occasional youtube video but I'm a total newb at that so give me a chance to figure it out.  I will post before pictures that I took on August 23 when I started this journey and I will post during pics every few weeks and eventually, I'll post after pics although "after pics" is a bit of a misnomer since I don't believe this is a journey with an ending.  This journey is how I've chosen to live my life from now on.  But once I reach a healthy weight, BMI or whatever, I'll post something we will call an "after" pic;o)

So, let's go back a few weeks.  The following are word-for-word excerpts from my personal journal.  I am usually a very private person and NOBODY would ever see this but, as I said, if it helps one person...

July 30, 2013
"I'm not sure what the catalyst was but I've just sorta stopped living.  NOT suicidal; not stopped caring... Just don't have any hope of anything ever getting better for me personally.  ...I need hope and I need it now.  Whether there is life after death or not, I am not done with this one; or at least I don't want to be. There are so many things I don't want to leave this life without having done/seen/experienced.  Sort of a bucket list but SO much more important. ...Mostly I don't want to die with THIS being the mom/grandma/example that my kids and grandkids are left to remember."

"I don't DO anything with my days anymore.  I just vegetate.  I have physical issues; real, medical, painful, frustrating, physical issues.  I am in serious pain All. The. Time.  So I don't do much which makes me weaker.  So I sit here weak, in pain and feeling helpless and hopeless, getting weaker and more hopeless every day."

"Here is my pathetic daily routine:
Noon - wake up and take meds. Sit in bed for an hour while meds take effect so I can make it to the bathroom and then back to bedroom loveseat.  Harmoni brings me coffee and breakfast from the microwave.  I then get on the computer and play a couple of facebook games in three different profiles so I can feel "busy."  I also watch a few shows on Netflix or Hulu while I knit.  Knitting is my therapy.  It keeps me sane.  Sort of. 
Harmoni will later bring me lunch.  I will make it to the bathroom a couple more times in the day and once in a while even make it to the kitchen to get my own sandwich or can of something for dinner.  If it has to heat for more than a couple of minutes, Harmoni will bring it to me.

Once a week, I go to Walmart and ride the 'electric chair of shame' because I can't walk through the store.  This is the store I used to work at so it is especially humiliating.  I stop at the Post Office and a couple of places to pay bills where Gini or Harmoni will run in for me since getting in and out of the van is so hard for me.

I go to bed around 3 am and might get to sleep before dawn.  I sleep very poorly and am still exhausted when I wake whether it is 9 hours later or 3 hours later.

The end.  That is my day.  Every day."

Wow is it humbling to write that in a public forum.  Those who don't know me personally can't imagine how amazing it is that I would share that with anyone.  ANYONE, much less everyone.  Now for a few facts.  At the time I wrote that stuff, I was a 51 year old mother of 5, grandma of 9, married to a sweetheart of a truck driver since 1987, in small town Oklahoma.  I am 5'6" tall and weighed 340 lbs.  I have Myasthenia Gravis which is an autoimmune disorder, and the tumor in my chest that often accompanies it, as well as a history of blood clots, bone on bone knee, completely trashed shoulder from tearing the rotator cuff several times and not getting treatment leaving it with scar tissue, arthritis and bone spurs, high blood pressure, hypothyroidism, high cholesterol and Paget's disease of the bone in my pelvis.  I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia years ago but the pain and fatigue of that little joy-pill was so buried in the pain and fatigue from all the other stuff that I forget about it.  And to kind of top it all off, I had started having some pretty scary symptoms of congestive heart failure.  I didn't realize it at the time but that is often a complication of Paget's. 

So now I think you have the pathetic picture of where I was a few weeks ago when suddenly, very suddenly, everything changed.  EVERYTHING changed.  I have tried most of the diets that everyone else has tried from Atkins and Weight Watchers to tracking my food and activity on Sparkpeople.  Sparkpeople was by far the most helpful.  I highly recommend it for the tools and fellowship available no matter what path to health you choose.  

Now on to the POSITIVE stuff because, trust me, nowadays, my life is a very positive place!  I'll make this part brief and then just get to posting the progress blogs.  I started a blog on Sparkpeople and I'm going to start by reposting those here to bring you up to date and then I'll take it up from there with current blogs.  So when you see a blog that is dated September 24 but the title says it is August 25 - Day 3, you won't be confused hopefully.

So what happened was this.  I got on Netflix like I usually did.  For no clear reason at all, since I am NOT usually a viewer of health or food related documentaries, Netflix "recommended" Forks Over Knives and Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  VERY unlike myself, I watched them.  And then I watched Hungry for Change and Vegucated.  I then read Eat to Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman, The China Study by T. Colin Campbell and Clean by Dr. Alejandro Junger.  I also looked up every bit of research for and against a plant-based diet, The China Study, Veganism, Raw-food living and Clean eating.  I have ridiculed and condemned vegetarians and especially ethical vegans my whole life.  I grew up eating fat-fried everything.  But I knew by the end of the first documentary that God himself had led me to this path and that I could abandon it at my peril.  I KNEW it.  It was a really strange feeling and almost beyond description.  You will just have to trust me that it was different from any path I had ever entered upon for weight-loss.  I actually felt, REALLY felt for the first time that it was "all about health dummy!"  Weight loss was to be looked forward to but definitely secondary.  It was an immediate transformation the likes of which I have never before experienced.  I haven't had a single moment of doubt since.  

So that brings us up to where my Spark blog began so I'll let that tell the story for a bit and then start up again with current blogs.  Sorry this first one was so long.  They won't usually be this long.  If you've read this whole thing, thank you for joining me.  I'm enjoying the ride more than I can say.