Wow, three years. It's been three years since I posted. I gave myself the excuse that it was just too inconvenient to try to blog on a tablet and I didn't have a computer anymore but the main reason I stopped was that I felt irrelevant. It seemed there were so many voices out there sharing information about the whole-food, plant-based way of living that were way more consistent, knowledgeable and successful than I was that I let my own insecurities and lack of confidence and lack of knowledge about how to promote myself on social media undermine my commitment to myself and to anyone who might have been finding any little bit of motivation from my blog. I still have no idea how to promote myself on social media and after three and a half years, I know I have no followers here. But now that I have an actual computer with a keyboard again, I will be blogging again anyway.
I will be blogging because since junior high school, I have been a writer. I have found comfort, therapy and self-revelation in writing and I have just flat-out enjoyed the process. It's been a long, loooong, time since I was in school so my grammar and punctuation skills may be rusty so cut me a break. ;) I just enjoy writing and it is good for me. For ME. And that's enough. Also, I am in need of rebooting my journey to health and sharing that here will help me to hold myself accountable. Yes, even if nobody else reads it, it is still "out there." And, as always, if even one person finds their way to hope and action towards regaining their health and quality of life, it is well worth facing my insecurities.
The last couple of years haven't been kind to me and my family. It's been rough. There has been major illness, death of a close friend, financial disaster, divorce, etc. It has undone decades of progress I had made on my mental and emotional health issues and it has undone a great deal of the good I had done to my body with my healthy lifestyle. I've regained quite a bit of weight - more on that later. But probably more importantly, yes really, MORE important than that is the return to living from a base of fear. I spent my entire first 17 years of life in an environment of legitimate fear and it created a very firmly entrenched approach to life that was based in fear. A lot of therapy and self-work in college got me out of that to a certain extent and I gradually made more progress over the years until, after going plant based, I found my way to truly living from a place of trust and happiness most of the time. Toward the end of 2015, some things happened that began to erode that progress. I didn't recognize it at the time. I'm not planning to go into the specifics of the things that went wrong during late 2015 through to now, really, but especially throughout 2016 and the first half of 2017. It really doesn't matter for anyone reading this. Fill in the blank. What has gone to hell in your life? What is eroding YOUR sense of trust in the world. And then, let's not even get started on how, in the United States at least, the world is indeed getting twisted. I weep for my country on a regular basis these days which doesn't help my emotional issues.
So, from this point, for a while at least, my blog will be dealing just as much with emotional work as with physical. I HAVE to get back to a higher level of commitment to my physical health with an excellent dietary lifestyle and I also HAVE to get back to living from a place of faith, trust, hope and happiness. So many people are finding that difficult these days. But what I know from my past experience is that you MUST live from that place to be effective in your life. To be successful and healthy in your life, you must live from that place. It doesn't mean you don't recognize the problems in the country, the world, your home and family or your own skin. It just means that in spite of the problems, in spite of the bad things, YOU are a happy, hopeful person. I can't afford therapy right now so it's really a good thing that I have the knowledge already in there from previous years and I just have to bring it back to the surface of my everyday life. I'm reading books and blogs and watching youtube videos that contribute to my progress and I'll be sharing insights I glean from those here. I hope to eventually regain enough self-confidence to also start making youtube videos again but that isn't going to be for a while just yet.
On the physiological front, I'm more committed and convinced than ever that a WFPBNO lifestyle (get used to that acronym as I'll use it a lot - whole-food, plant-based, no-oil) is essential to excellent health. And I know that when I am living that lifestyle fully, it also contributes to my mental well-being. Our brain and gut are quite definitely connected after all. And right now, my gut is in poor condition. I haven't slid so far downward as to lose all my health gains, thankfully, but I have regained about 35 lbs and am back to having no energy and feeling weak and "unable." My blood pressure is still pretty good without medication and my chronic pain is not back. I haven't had it checked but I suspect my thyroid is sluggish again. I have had a couple of fairly minor flares of myasthenia gravis. I never walk or workout anymore. And while I am still conscious of trying to focus on veggies and fruit, I am back to eating way to much processed food, technically vegan but certainly not wfpbno fast food, and not enough fresh freggies. (Freggies = fruit and veggies - I'll use that often as well.)
For the time being, I am in a comfortable home with a decent computer, keyboard and all. I even have a functional kitchen! I miss my little RV in a lot of ways, believe it or not, but I really do love my little house more. I have an actual computer and keyboard so the writing goes quickly and smoothly. I have freggies in my kitchen and a great book on neural plasticity in my audible library and I have a notebook to start a gratitude journal. So here I am, baring my shortcomings and struggles with the world so that I can share my triumphs in the weeks, months and years to come. Whether or not anyone else is actually paying attention is irrelevant. I have a lot of work to do. Time to get started... again.
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