It's Different This Time - from Sunday, August 18, 2013

I know we've all heard that before. Well, for me, it damn well better be different this time because I seriously doubt there will be another time. My body is failing fast. I am weaker and fatter and sicker than I have ever been; than anyone should ever be. I am not really sure what exactly I weigh. A few months ago I weighed at the doctor's office at 324. I'm pretty sure I've gained a few more since then.  [Working scale revealed I was at 340.]  I can literally barely get from my bed to the car. I spend my entire day on a loveseat 6 feet from my bed. I am on a bunch of medications that make me feel like crap and now I'm having symptoms of congestive heart failure. I have never put a lot of faith in the traditional medical community but it's amazing what you'll give in to when you are actually afraid for you life. I am 51 years old and I want to do some more LIVING before I die!! 

I have tried before, obviously. I tried Atkins and WW and just tracking food and trying to stay in the traditional healthy guidelines here on SP. All my life I've heard, "Make incremental changes. Small changes add up to big changes." I reduced my salt, I quit drinking soda years ago, I quit using added oils and other fats, (Boy do I miss deep fried okra!) I cut waaaay back on "whites" like white bread, potatos, rice, sugar. This has all been over the course of 25 years or so. In those years, I have gone from overweight at 220 lbs in my late 20s to over 335 or so now. I'm sick of people looking at me as if I must hoover cookies into my mouth all day. And most of all I'm sick of sitting in this house and feeling helpless and useless. I'm sick of being a horrible example of how to live a life to my kids, two of whom are still at home. No more small changes. Now, EVERYTHING changes. I'm gonna die or I'm gonna LIVE. 

Friday (Thursday is grocery day - my son goes for me) I am starting a juice reboot a la the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. Boy doncha know that title caught my attention. I thought they made a documentary about me!! LOL I watched that. I watched Forks Over Knives and I watched Food, Inc. I did my own research. I read more books than I'm going to list here right now. I have chosen my path. I will do a minimum 10 day juice fast, actually planning for a 30 day but we'll play it by ear. After the juice reboot, I will start the 6 week plan in Eat To Live. I am still trying to learn how, in my area, I can avoid GMOs and such but I will just do the best I can to get whole, unmodified foods. As I become more mobile, I can shop at the whole foods stores in Tulsa instead of just the supermarkets here in my small town. 

So, how is it "different this time" for me? I don't give a craphat about conventional wisdom any more as it has gotten me to this point of being literally fat, sick and nearly dead. I don't give a tinker's damn about how I look or what other people think of how I look. I am doing this so that I can live. I am doing this so that I can enjoy living again. 

I am not the least bit worried I won't stick. I'm not weak (mentally) and I'm not stupid. Show me something that makes sense and that actually works in the important ways and I WILL do it. And I have an advantage in that I very rarely leave my house right now. The food that is brought in is picked up for me by my son and he follows the list I give him to a tee. I also will have an advantage that for the first week at least, everyone in my house will be doing the same thing. We are using this next few days to get rid of ALL perishables in the house and putting all canned goods into storage. There won't be anything in this house that isn't on that eating plan. Do I feel guilty for my poor 17 and 19 year olds having to give up their lunchmeat and hot pockets? Nope. I feel good about doing this FOR them. My 17 year old has high blood pressure and weighs 280 lbs [Once I got a working scale we discovered she was actually up to 303lbs.] (she is 6'3" but still) My 19 year old has high cholesterol and weighs 260 [This one turned out to weigh 288.] or thereabouts. My son and dil are living with me right now but they are both nearing 400 lbs! They are having trouble conceiving a child mostly because of their weight and I fear that my 29 year old son will have a heart attack before I do!! I am showing them that getting your body the nutrients it needs to function correctly and to heal itself as God intended it to all along, you do what you need to do. It's priority one. Period. 

So. That's where I'm at today. I've been on diets before but that person is gone. That person tried and tried and failed. This one is succeeding. This one is doing, not trying.