ONE YEAR RESULTS ON JUICING and WHOLE, PLANT-BASED FOOD

So it's been a year.  In some ways it seems that it can't possibly have been that long but mostly it just seems like it has to have been longer.  Not in a bad way...  in a "this is just how I live and completely normal" kinda way.  I can't imagine not eating this way.  Yesterday my 18 year old, Harmoni, saw some horrible food advertised on tv and said, "I sometimes wonder why we ever wanted to start eating like that to begin with.  Now it feels like I should have always wanted to just surround myself with fruit and salad and juice.  Why would I NOT?!"  Made me a proud and happy mom, I'll tell you that.  (You should hear her go OFF when pharmaceutical commercials come on. LOL)

So on my one year anniversary I completed a 5K with my gorgeous and amazing oldest daughter, Bonni. It was literally surreal.  This was me, Natalie, at a 5K in the late August heat!  I won't go all into just how sick and in pain I was one year ago, I described that pretty thoroughly in my early posts.  We all know I was headed for a wheelchair and an amputation and not long for the world the way I was headed last year.  This post is my victory song.  This post is about JOY.  But standing there in the heat, waiting in line for my packet for about 2 hours, the old Natalie couldn't have even been outside on a day like that much less on my feet the whole time.  Here is a little vid I took while standing in line and a pic of the goofy gear we put on for this GlowRun.  A year ago my main focus when out in public was to remain as invisible as possible.  I didn't want to subject anyone to noticing me any more than necessary.  As you can see, that doesn't exactly describe me now;)

The little glow tubes we made our glasses and necklaces out of came in our packets but they were duds.  No glowing:(  So I bought the dreads and the bracelet and got my face painted.  We then had another hour to wait in 95 degree heat in a big park for them to start lining people up for the start of the race.  So we go looking for someplace to get some water.  Well, no luck.  They only sold beer.  At the 5K.  In AUGUST.  No joke.  I am thinking of writing to them about that because that is dangerous.  Most of us brought a bottle of water but only one.  We assumed water would be available at a 5K!  That is not only foolish but dangerous.  Thankfully I am very conscientious about staying well hydrated.  The only water available that entire hot afternoon and evening (nearly 5 hours altogether) was one 12 oz bottle at the halfway point and one at the finish line.  And many people stayed for the after party as well so even longer for them with, I'm sure, plenty of beer:/  But enough griping about that.  Once it got dark, they lined everyone up at the starting gate and boy were there a LOT of people!  They had people start in waves and since I'm pretty slow compared to most of these youngsters, we joined the last wave - wave 6.  So that means we stood in line for another half hour. LOL  In my old life I was extremely claustrophobic and a bit agoraphobic and really, really needed my personal space.  I couldn't stand to be in big crowds; couldn't stand to be bumped and jostled.  I would have full blown panic attacks.  But there I stood in the middle of the road with hundreds of people crowding up to the starting line and all I could do was thank God for bringing me there.  For allowing me to fulfill the dream that began a couple of years ago when my Bonni took up running and, one day after watching the Biggest Loser, she said to me, "Wouldn't it be cool if we could do one together some day?"  Inwardly I wept because I fully believed that it would never be possible.  I knew how rapidly I was declining but I hadn't told my children.  It would become obvious to them soon enough.  But my God wasn't done with me yet.  And when he placed the way before me, I took it without hesitation and guess what...

There  you have it.  My celebration of my rebirth.  My declaration to the world that I am back.  That August day in 2013 when Fat Sick and Nearly Dead popped up on my suggestions in Netflix, I knew immediately that everything was about to change.  I NEVER EVER took pictures of myself.  But I took one that day.  I had my kids help me out to the yard and I took a picture.   I knew I would need the proof one day of how far I had come.  I knew I would need to remind myself from time to time of just how bad off I was.  I usually didn't write doom and gloom in my journal but I had written very openly of my despair just the week before.  God knew I would need to remember just how far I had sunk into that despair.  The way was prepared before me in so many big and small ways.  It is really amazing to look back on.

I still have a long way to go.  Anyone want to put money on how far I will go by next August?  I'll be riding horses again on a regular basis I can promise you that.  I'll be completing more 5Ks with and even without my daughter and this time I will run them the whole way.  Me with the tore up, bone-on-bone knees and the leg with damaged circulation that would need to be amputated and TWO crippling bone diseases in my back WILL be running 5K.  Running is actually starting to feel good to me now so I know I'll get there.  I feel like I have probably lost about half the weight I will eventually need to but I know that as long as I keep my tunnel vision locked on my health that the weight will take care of itself.  Over the past few months there have been periods where I maintained my weight loss for a while and then got into "reboot mode" and lost some more and then maintained for a while again.  How fantastic and liberating to know that I have the tools I need to do both. To lose and to maintain.

I knew I would need to put together a new progress picture when I hit one year.  My last one was done at about 9 months I believe.  I was a bit worried I would feel let down as would my friends and family since I haven't lost all that much weight in the last 3 months.  I don't know exactly how much since my scale quit working and I'm not going to replace it for a while.  I need to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak, and focus on health and joy instead of numbers on a scale.  But I dutifully went into the bathroom to take my progress picture.  As I was taking it I thought, "I should probably change into some nice tight jeans to hold that gut in.... except my jeans are all baggy so I'd have to borrow some from my daughter, Gini. ... Oh ugh that double chin is just never going to go away...  Wow my hair has gotten long!"  And then I looked at the picture.  I pulled up the picture next to that one I took last year and I wept.  I look like me again.  I am excited about losing more weight, sure.  Big time!  But I really have to stop under-valuing what I have already done.  A few observations... my hair has NEVER grown very fast.  I couldn't believe how much it had grown in that year.  And because of hypothyroidism, I didn't have any outer eyebrows at all and now they are coming back!  And best of all... sorry if this is TMI, my boobs stick out further than my gut again!  Been a long while for that!!  LOL

So even though I had intended for that to be a test run and I would fix my hair and put on cuter clothes and then take the one I would share with people, I just used that one.  It's real.  It's me.  And for today I'm 100% happy with that.  Now bring on year number 2!  Life is good on da juice!!!

Plateaus, Set Points and Other Boogeymen

I have said many times that even if I never lost another pound, I would continue to eat a plant-based diet and drink green juice because it has given me back my health.  I would reassure others who hit weight plateaus for a week or two to just keep at it and the weight would start to go down again.  Our bodies sometimes need time to adjust to this new way of being and doing, especially if we have been very overweight for a very long time.  I had been from 280 to 340 for a couple of decades.  So mid-March when I hit a plateau, I had to put my money where my mouth is so to speak.  I hit a plateau.  I hit 265 and my body froze, looked at me in horror and said, "Are you kidding me?  We're melting like the wicked witch after she got watered down by Dorothy! This ain't right!!!  Do you WANT to disappear?  What if there's a famine?  This is dangerous!  You can't just go losing weight willy nilly I tell you!"  
It didn't help that I had several extra-curricular stress activities pop up during this same time frame.  If you don't know or understand what the stress hormone, Cortisol, can do to weight loss efforts, look up Dr. John Bergman on youtube.  He explains it better than anyone else I've seen.  
So for a couple of weeks, I was totally zen about this plateau.  Seriously.  I really didn't let it bother me because I understood what was happening.  I had hit a lower weight than I'd seen in at least 15 years.  When it had been a month, I started to get worried in that scared, secret, small place inside me that has always feared this new found health and energy will be ripped away.  Right at this same time I was getting super busy trying to pack and clean to move out of this house finally.  After several months of planning to move, we are finally actually moving.  We HAVE to be out of this house by the end of the month even if it means camping out at the lake until we can find something else.  Long story....  anyway, I was extremely busy and having to use every coping mechanism I had not to let the stress get to me.  We had a very, very hard winter financially along with some other life stressors so it was no surprise, really, that the weight loss stalled.  Knowing and understanding that and dealing with seeing that number stay the same every day are two different things.  Actually, it didn't stay exactly the same.  My weight, as with most people, can fluctuate 3-5 pounds in any given week which is the main reason I usually weigh daily. So I had hit that 265 for about 2 days when my weight started doing a gentle rollercoaster up and down and up and down from 266 to 269 for weeks.  So I put the scale away.  I didn't want worry over that number to pull my focus away from the main thing which is my health.  I just played Dory and kept on swimming... and eating my plants and making my juice.  As Spring came on strong, I did what I had always planned to do and shifted more to raw fruits and salads and less soups and starches. Not a big shift but just a bit more of this and a bit less of that.  It felt right.  I felt a boost in energy almost immediately.  
I was out of town for over a week and got home last Wednesday night.  Thursday morning I decided to pull out the scale and see where I was at and it said 266.  Okay.  Saturday morning, 264.  Hey!  Monday morning, today, 261!  Yeah!  Bye-bye plateau!  I learned from you.  I let you be and you let me be and now we must part ways.  See ya!
That plateau lasted nearly two months.  I learned that I really do have the power of my convictions within me to put my health first.  I really felt that my body would eventually begin to seek a healthier weight once again.  But I knew that if it didn't or if it took a year or two for that to happen, I would be okay in the meantime as long as I continued to flood my body with real nutrition.  I learned some valuable lessons about myself.  I have said many times that how I feel is far more important than how I look and I proved to myself that this was true.  I've said that I have learned to trust my body.  Now I've proven it.  I've also proved to myself that if the scale becomes a detriment, I can just put it away.  
I recently watched a video shared by my friend, Lori.  It was posted by a bariatric surgeon and explained how our bodies will establish "set points" at a very high weight.  He went into the anthropology of it all.  His point was to make us feel hopeless to lose the weight without surgery.  FALSE.  The problem is that most people hit those points where their body is trying to adjust to the changes you've made, the weight loss slows or stops so they tighten down on the calories even more.  They starve their cells which makes the body freak out even more.  "Starvation!  She's trying to kill us!"  If you hit your plateau - or your new "set point" - and you just keep FLOODING your body with amazing nutrition, your body WILL relax and realize that it is safe to allow more of that weight to go.  Truth.  Doctors selling hopelessness to line their pockets make me sick.  Right up until I drink my green juice or eat my bowl of fruit or salad.  THAT makes me very, very well:)
JUICE ON YA'LL.  WE GOT THIS!!

Spring Update To Juice Fast or Not to Juice Fast...

Wow, I have really neglected my blog.  I have started making more and more videos and people are actually watching them and I sort of "get it out of my system" in the videos so I just don't think to come blog.  I will try to remedy that.  Also, at the end of this blog, I have a new progress picture for you:)
I am still on this amazing journey.  I tried another juice fast in March and made it less than 3 weeks.  I had a little budget crisis and a whole bunch of stress the 3rd week of March and just decided to go back to modified.  It's cool with me because I don't feel a need to prove anything to myself or anyone else at this point.  I am just continuing on my healthy path.  It's all part of the journey.
I did discover that letting the stress of life get to me does impede my weight loss even if I don't eat wrong over it.  I have been on a plateau for about 3 weeks now, just running up and down the same 3 pounds.  Frustrating.  But then I remember that I am struggling to get the weight loss going again to get me into the 250s when this time last year I was struggling to stay OUT of the 350s.
So where I am at right now is trying to figure out exactly what approach will be a good overall weight loss approach within what I'm already doing.  I am in this for the long haul.  I still need to lose 100 lbs or close to it (I'm 264.. or 5... or 6 lol) so I want to find the plant-based approach that is the perfect balance for me between optimum weight loss and what works with where I am right now in life.  We are moving at the end of the month (finally!)  so my house and kitchen are a disaster.  I am feeling overwhelmed with all there is to do before the end of the month too so I just need it to be simple.  Honestly, if I wasn't on a budget crunch, I would just do an all raw, high fruit cleanse for April.  I just can't afford all that fruit.  So I've been playing around with options and for the first two weeks of April. I'm doing the following:
2-4 days a week of juice ONLY - Sunday, Monday, probably Tuesday and maybe Wednesday.
On the other 3-4 days, I will have 1-2 juices and 1-2 healthy, plant-based, raw meals, 1 plant-based, cooked meal, and as much as I want/can afford of fruit, nuts and seeds.  I will try for healthy, home-made dressing on my salad but if I need to use a premade dressing, I will.  No stress this two weeks. This will not be very structured or  well-defined.  These food days are pretty much what I have been doing when not on juice fast this whole time.  Will this plan break through my plateau?  We shall see.
I would love to do a food journal here but I can't promise that to be honest.  I am writing down what  I eat in a little notebook though.  At the end of two weeks, I will switch up some things and see what affect it has on my weight, energy, mood etc.  Not sure yet exactly what I'll switch up.  May try 7 days of all juice except 1 raw meal.  That would be a pretty big switch up.  Or I may just cut out the bottled dressing altogether and start being more structured with exactly how much I allow of the fruit and nuts.  We'll see.  Who knows, since I will be actually coming up on the time we move during that portion, I may want to do all juice 5 days a week or something.  Stay tuned!
My new progress picture is taken with my two youngest daughters who have been on this journey with me since day one.  In this picture, I have lost 75 lbs and Harmoni and Gini have each lost in the area of 45-47 lbs (can't remember which is which to tell the truth.)  We went for a walk together and a friend was waiting at our house when we got home and took this pic for us.  The pics on the left are us when we started back in August.  The butterfly is to cover where Harmoni's top had ridden up and her pants were low cut so her belly was showing which she was self-conscious about.  She is SOOOO long-waisted that she has this problem a lot.  Poor kid has heard, "Harmoni!  Pants up, shirt down" so many times in her life it's pathetic.  Anyway, we are feeling fantastic this Spring!  How about you?

The Fox Guarding the Hen House?

Am I the only one who just feels like the world has really gone insane?  I mean, first off, we've already learned that medical schools do not teach nutrition.  Period.  They just don't.  Maybe 1 in 4 requires even 1 full credit class in nutritition.  We already know this and while this is disturbing, I really have no problem owning my own health and well-being.  Okay, I'll go to the doctor when I get exposed to a communicable disease that really responds well to antibiotics (those are a lot more few and far between than you think they are though... just saying.)  I'll go to the doctor if I break a bone.  When I'm deciding what foods are going to nourish me, I'll go elsewhere.  But it gets crazier.  For real.
I like my doctor.  She is pretty cool.  I'm not trying to bash doctors but people, what you need to remember is that your doctor is a regular human being just like you.  Their pants go on one leg at a time just like you.  They may or may not have spent a few more years in school than you but I question the true value of that even.  During those years they are under extreme stress, they are sleep-deprived, they are overwhelmed with more information than they could possibly realistically absorb in the short span of time they are there.  It is a miracle they learn and retain as much as they do.  Well, thank goodness for ongoing education, right?  All doctors go through regular courses of ongoing education to keep them on top of things.  I mean after all, how long of never using your high school trigonometry did it take before you forgot how to do trigonometry?  Use it or lose it....  So, it's great that they have ongoing education resources and opportunities.  Right?
Well... not-so-much.  It would be great if not for the fact that most of those classes are sponsored (paid for) and/or provided by pharmaceutical companies and food and drink manufacturers.  Pepsico, Merck, The Dairy Council....  Yup.  Your doctor probably took time from his or her busy schedule to attend a class taught by a doctor or scientist paid by Pepsico to explain why there is no problem with HFCS  (High fructose corn syrup.)  Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?  See when I was growing up we called that setting the fox to guard the hen house.  And in case you aren't sure... that's a bad thing.

February Plans and Some Reflection On My Weight History

So after a VERY depressing Superbowl and yummy and healthy but overly plentiful game day snacks, I am ready to get this ball rolling again.  I was planning to just flatout juice fast through the month.  But since the weatherman has revised our 2 week fore cast to stay below freezing the entire time with lows in the teens and single digits, I'm not sure I can face how cold I feel on just juice.  My house only stays about 50degrees when it's this cold and I have no hot water now (long story) so I have to heat up water in an electric pot to clean my juicer and jars.  We will be out of here by the end of the month but, of course, it will probably start to warm up by then.  And I've spent too many years waiting for the perfect conditions to do what I need to do.  So I WILL juice in February in spite of all the challenges I face.  But I will probably also have a bowl of veggie soup now and then when the cold gets to me.

I'm predicting that my weight will start with a 2 and a 6 by the end of the month.  Oh, I'm 278 today. I haven't seen a 260-something in about 8 years.  Maybe 10?  I know I got down into the 240s in 2000 when we lived near Grand Lake which was the lowest I'd been in many years at that point. I hadn't been below 220 since the 1980s.  And I hit the 260s I believe within a year or two of moving away from Grand Lake.  I know I was battling to get out of the 280s from '05 if not longer.  So even being in the 270s is a huge victory. For nearly 2 years I fought hard to lose the weight and get healthy but I didn't realize yet that the food I was eating was making that impossible.  When the doctor sent me to physical therapy in Spring '09, I had been fighting the 280s for a while already.  I found renewed hope in the progress I made with my physical therapist and started really trying to "eat right" according to conventional wisdom and I was working out like a BEAST.  When the PT maxed out on my insurance, she told me I should start swimming.  So I did.  I joined the Y and went swimming 3-5 times a week and was going upstairs and working out on the machines for 30 minutes 3-5 times a week as well.  In spite of all that work, I never got below 280.  I got in good enough shape to go to work again which was awesome.  Started doing cell-phone tech support.  I fought my way through the MG flareups and the increasing pain in my back, hips and legs.  In February of 2012, my truck broke down and I walked the mile and a half to work when I couldn't find a ride.  The walk home was all uphill and was killer on my pain areas.  I could only take that for so long and had to quit my job.  I was having more and more MG flareups and the pain in my back and hips was getting unbearable.  There were times I couldn't stand in the mornings until pain relievers took effect.  Those times became more and more frequent until that was my everyday condition.  In early 2013, I had already been diagnosed with high blood pressure and hypothyroid and was on medications for those.   The doctor convinced me to go back on blood thinners to postpone the amputation of my bad leg as long as possible.  I was giving up.  I figured I had hit my wall and my good years were past.  When I was diagnosed with Paget's and told that the combination of the location of the bone disease and my weight, which by this time was about 320, the bones in my pelvis and hips were becoming deformed, I was trying hard to accept that a wheelchair was in my near future.  That was about a year ago.  I put on another 20 pounds to top out just over 340, became seriously depressed and just gave up on life.  Last summer, I had become so weak and in such constant pain that I rarely left my bedroom.  I began having symptoms of congestive heart failure.  That's when I decided to stop fighting and just die.
So that brings us up to where I started this blog.  I saw "Fat Sick and Nearly Dead" and "Forks Over Knives" and decided to live.  And in 5 months, I've undone the damage from the last 5 years of rapid decline, gotten off of all medications.  And I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that the next year will undo more like 20 years worth of damage.
I turn 52 a week from tomorrow and I will hit that day feeling better than I have in years.  And I'll hit 53 feeling better than I have in decades.  I was planning to do another progress picture on my birthday in my new jeans just because it felt so amazing to be able to wear jeans again but... my new jeans are already too big!!  Maybe some size 20 jeans will be my birthday gift to myself;o)  I started out in a 28 so that isn't too shabby.  But I won't buy any if I can't find them discounted because I know I won't be able to wear them for long.  Now that is my kinda dilemma.
JUICE ON!!  PLANT-STRONG FOREVER!

But But But... Tough Love

Nota Bene: if you don't like reading long blogs, cut to the last paragraph. That's the long and the short of it.

Okay, lets start by getting the provisos out of the way.  First, I am addressing people like me.  People who are morbidly obese with multiple serious health problems that are connected to that obesity and have decided to address the problem with a whole food/plant based diet.  Many of us watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and also incorporate juicing into our quest for healthy bodies.
Second, I am NOT addressing people who truly, literally do not have control over their own environment.  It's not all that common and you need to really look at whether or not that is true and not just a cop-out.  But if you really are not in control of your home environment then stop reading or understand that I'm not really speaking to you.  Work environment is much more commonly out of our control but not nearly as critical either.

Another group I really can't address in this post is a large one.  In my interactions with people seeking better health and/or weight loss, I see many, many more come and go than those who stay. Most people just aren't ready.  They just haven't hit their own, personal, rock bottom yet.  When it becomes uncomfortable they make a beeline for the mac and cheese muttering, "I can do it with portion control and working out like Jillian Michaels.  I don't need no stinkin' vegetables."  Cuz, that has worked out so well for them in the past:/   Heaven knows there is plenty of propaganda out there to feed their desire to choose an "easier" path or to even just continue on the one that is killing them.  Everyone likes to hear good news about their bad choices so when the media spouts off crap about how we really have to eat dead animals or how chocolate is a health food, it's easy to grab onto that. Anyway, that's another soapbox entirely.

Right now, I want to address people like me.  You're obese and unhealthy and truly committed to changing that.  You have come to believe that a WFPB lifestyle is the best medicine out there.  You are making changes and seeing progress.... and this is where SO  many insert a "but."

But... it's the holidays.
But... my family is visiting.
But... my girlfriend doesn't want to give up chips and ranch dip so it's there in the cabinet taunting me.
But... I still need to fix cookies for my kids or I'm a bad mom.
But... my husband deserves fried chicken because he works so hard.
But... I have to go out to dinner with clients a lot.
But... nobody wants to see a veggie tray at the party.

When people who are just as sick and fat as I am/was say things like this, I want to ask them just how important this is to them.  For me, it was literally life or death.  If you've read my early blogs you know I don't exaggerate.  So many people describe situations just as dire, nearly as dire or even more dire than mine was and then turn around and say, "Oh I have to fry chicken and bake cookies."

I believe we need to look at two things when we find ourselves letting these "buts" interfere with our best intentions.  First, how important is this to ME and second, how important am I to the people around me.  How much can I reasonably expect from those nearest and dearest to me.  Here is where I start to sound harsh but bear with me.  I know that I am lucky.  Blessed actually.  I didn't know how my family would handle it but, to be honest, my family is a matriarchy.  My hubby is a truck driver and I'm a bossy, independent type chick so it works for us. In other words, I worried I would meet opposition but I.  Didn't. Care.  Once I knew that I had finally found the answer, I knew that I would follow through with it whether they liked it or not.  I have kids from 17-32 and I wanted to influence them but I can't control them so I figured I would do what I had to do for me, require of them what I needed and leave their own bodies to them.  I have been absolutely astounded how readily my family has not only embraced and supported my needs but followed my example.  I have not exactly been a shining example to them in the physical/health department so they had every reason to shrug this off as "Mom's latest attempt" but they recognized something in the way I talked about it and in the evidence I presented and they have been on board 100% from day 1.  I have NOT, however, been all that surprised that they had no problem with all the junk food and processed foods going bye-bye.  If I told them I had developed a deadly allergy to cotton that was leaching away my health and energy, they would be right in there helping me find all the hidden cotton in our house.  Because they love me!  I would have expected nothing less.  If you can't depend on your family to support you in your own fight for your very life, then what is wrong with that picture?!

So what if your family isn't on board?  Get tough! It's your health people!  In many cases it is how long you will be around for them and it is definitely how you will feel and function during that time.  Sit them down and watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and, even better, Forks Over Knives.  Tell them that you want to look better, feel better and be around to annoy them in your old age!  Say flat out, if you love and value ME, you will support me.

I don't want this to be too long for anyone to get through so I'll cut this part short.  If you have grownups who don't have the issues you have, look at two things.  Do they actually need or benefit from the foods that were making you fat and sick?  Does it really make you a bad mom/wife to refuse to prepare foods that contribute to diabetes, obesity, cancer, heart disease?  So Susie isn't overweight? Yet?  Most of us were thin at some point.  The groundwork was laid while we appeared to be healthy.  If they are healthy and fit, let's keep them that way!  And if the hubby really has to have something like fried chicken or chips and dip, they are adults, they can go through the drive through.  Same goes for adult children.  They have to decide for themselves.  But they should have enough concern and respect for you to support your effort to create a clean, healthy environment.

Here is my bottom line.  Yes, I realize it sounds pretty harsh.  If your family will not support your need to eliminate junk food and food that trashes your health from your home, then you have some deeper problems than weight.

And my other bottom line (hey, who says there is only one bottom line?) is that no matter how thin or fit your family appears to you, if you have discovered that certain foods are deadly, why would you continue to feed them to your family?  If you've come to understand that a high consumption of sugar, animal protien, saturated fats... whatever, creates terrible health problems over time, then tell me again why you are a bad mom if you don't give it to your kids?  You don't have to make the change completely overnight but I can't understand why you wouldn't start transitioning them to healthier and healthier foods.  That is what my daughter is doing with her boys.  I'll let ya'll know how that goes;o)  But, trust me, you aren't a "bad mom" if you refuse to feed a diet laden with sugar and salt and animal fat to your growing children.  Frankly, if the children are dictating what goes on the dinner table then we have a case of the inmates running the asylum.

Now about all those other "buts," if you have to eat out with clients, is it really going to make them lose respect for you in your professional capacity to eat a salad instead of a steak?  To leave the butter and cheese and bacon off of your baked potato?  If others at the party don't want a veggie tray... okay!  More freggies for you!!  And more of the junk they are scarfing for them.  If your family is visiting, visit some vegan chef websites and find some really impressive recipes to show them just how tasty your diet can be.  Sure, go ahead and fix PopPops favorite casserole but offer a couple of really yummy things they've never tried before with it!  It gives you some healthy options and shows them that you aren't starving yourself on rabbit food;o)

I really want to add one last note to those who have somewhat dysfunctional families.  You know who you are.  You read this and think, "Yeah, try telling my husband that.  He would start bringing home Kentucky Fried Chicken and eating it right in front of me while taunting me the entire time."   "Try telling my mom that this is healthy.  She is just as overweight as me but she would start bringing my favorite fattening treats over every weekend and telling my kids that I don't love her because I won't eat her thoughtful gifts."  Yes, some families are dysfunctional.  If these things are a problem, you probably know you have other issues besides food to deal with.  You, my friends have to advocate for yourself.  You have to love you.  You have to realize that a healthy you can work on your families dysfunction better if you are in a healthy body.  Especially since WFPB diets also make you think better and feel emotionally and mentally stronger.

Okay so THIS is actually my bottom line. (Yes, really! Why do you doubt me? LOL) Do what you need to do to get healthier. You count. YOU matter. Advocate for yourself, even with your own family, employers, clients. Unless you have some pretty extraordinary circumstances, clean up your environment. Your family won't die from lack of deep fat fried food. Require those who love you to show it. Become fierce about your own well-being. I know many people (myself included) who have spent November and December losing an extra 10 or 20 lbs while the average american gains 8 or 10. For the first time in many years, January 1st will be a time to celebrate all I've accomplished and plan for all I will accomplish in 2014. My only regret is that I didn't start way sooner in the year! I don't for one second regret skipping the pumpkin pie or sugar cookies.  And I don't regret refusing to contribute to the poor health choices of others either.

There Are No Magic Bullets, But There Are Miracles

Every time I find myself describing my journey to someone new, I realize just how much I sound like an infomercial or like I'm just caught up in the pink fluffy honeymoon cloud of a "new diet" but I've never in my life stuck to a diet for this long much less been in the "honeymoon" phase of it for several months and going strong.  This has most definitely settled into lifestyle mode.  

 So that begs the question, how can a simple change of diet create the incredible changes I've experienced.  Well, lets look at a few things.  First, getting the disgusting mess the local grocer passes off as meat and animal products that I was eating - hormones, puss in the milk etc - out of my body.  Just removing those has to help. If I had changed to homegrown, grass fed, lean cuts and healthy prep and still ate the meat, I would be better off but still not as good as just getting the animal protein out of my diet. (If you aren't following me here, read the China Study and/or watch Forks Over Knives.)  I'm 90% animal protein free.  I still eat a serving of fish 2 or 3 times a month, have a bit of organic chicken or turkey in the crockpot soup once or twice a month and I have an organic, cage-free, hormone free, preferably locally grown boiled egg a couple times a week.  I don't know if I will eventually eliminate those or not.  Even the China Study noted that the cancer growth and other bad effects weren't triggered with a low intake of animal protein.  So I'm good with this for now.  

 Next, let's note that my diet went from very near zero fresh fruit and veggies to a good 75% freggies.  That alone had to be a huge shock (of the good variety) to my system.  At this point, every system and cell in my body has to be singing for joy.  It's like, "Halleleujah! She's finally giving us something to work with!"  
Now let's add the fact that I juice and blend a lot of freggies and add really nutrient dense, natural additives like ground flax etc.  Now you are taking the great nutrients that your average healthy eater would consume in a day and putting all those nutrients into one serving.  You are literally just FLOODING your system with nutrients it's been deprived of for decades.  

 Our bodies are amazing self-healing machines but we take a machine that has the ability to repair itself and even regenerate on its own but we deny it the building blocks it require to do that.  And then we wonder why we fall apart.  So what do we do?  Instead of handing it those high-quality, sound and solid building blocks that God gave us in abundance, we give it man made imitations made of cardboard and chemicals.  And then we wonder why we fall apart!

 One last thing to consider that really just makes our body sing is that even when I was eating a salad or drinking juice before, it was made and packaged and stored and shipped and stored again before I ate it.  If I had ever gotten ground flax in something, it had probably lost most of it's nutritional value before it got to me.  Now, I grind my flax seeds, throw that into the soup or smoothie and consume it.  No nutrional loss there.  Again, tons more nutrients hitting my body than it is used to.  And next year is really going to take it up a notch as I will be able to just go to my own garden and pick the veggies as fresh as fresh gets:)

 So if I sound like a crazy infomercial sometimes; if it sounds crazy to say that I went from depressed, barely able to walk across a room, in constant pain and a mental fog every day of my life and then literally became pain free, regained my energy, improved health conditions dramatically, started losing weight at a steady pace and regained a much higher degree of mental clarity all within days of starting a juice fast and now I'm still feeling fantastic just as much after 4 months of a clean, plant-based diet, you can understand that I'm not promoting the latest fad or a magic bullet or even a "diet."  I'm just saying to eat the way God meant you to.  Eat the abundance of things he gave us to thrive on.  If that includes meat for you then at least make that a smaller ratio of your calories and make it fresh, untainted by a disgusting industry and prepare it in a healthy way.  
 It's not a miracle... and yet it is the biggest miracle of all.  How miraculous that those plants include all those crazy nutrients that really can heal, regrow, vitalize and maximize the potential of every cell in your body.  The things your doctor throws his hands in the air over and just writes another script for?  Your creator gave you the cure.  When the few doctors who have actually studied the topic of healing through nutrition say, "Sure, a plant based diet would help my patients but they won't follow it so I just give them a pill instead."  You can shout, "I'll do it!  I'll heal myself with nutrition!"  Maybe more doctors will seek out that information and share it with their other patients if they have patients coming in with dramatic improvements and telling them, "I don't need those pills, doc.  I stopped taking those months ago."  I am praying that by the time my grandkids are grown, they will defy all those predictions about the newest generation of children dying younger than their parents did. 

Three Types of People You Meet in Juicing Communities

I have watched all the youtube videos and read all the blogs I could find by and about people who lose weight juice fasting and/or a whole food/plant-based diet/high raw diet etc. Yes. A lot of people do regain the weight but the ones who have the courage to come back and tell you what went on will tell you exactly why. (Check out Steve Crider's latest videos STEVE CRIDER YOUTUBE CHANNEL- love that guy because he is honest and never gives up!) They regained the weight because they went back to eating whatever they used to eat that made them fat in the first place.  If you do what you've always done, you will end up where you've always been. I read and watched and researched and read some more.  I saw that many people regain the weight with juicing and WFPB diets just as they do with WW, Atkins, South Beach and Weight-loss surgery.  I took all that in and used it to motivate me to really research and plan so that when I was finished with my first actual juice fast, I would have a solid plan in place for what I was going to eat for the rest of my life to continue to lose weight and eventually maintain a healthy weight, feel great, live an active and joyful life and love my food all at the same time. And I have. I NEVER would have believed that I would love eating like this and I sure as heck never thought I would LOVE eating like this. I grew up a country girl. We raised our own beef, chickens, and pork. I showed livestock in the shows and went hunting with my dad. Vegans and vegetarians were extremist nutcases. (Note - Personally, I still think PETA is nuttier than fruitcake.) Well, call me nutty because I am now very near vegan and I LOVE what I eat every single day. And my two teenagers have gone along for the ride and are losing weight as well and they love the food too! And my 19 year old was one of those kids who never touched a veggie other than a tomato or canned corn EVER before we started this. (No! I'm NOT counting french fries.  That is a fat, not a veggie, in  my book.)

Here's the thing. I really believe there are three types of people around juice fasting communities. Those who think they want this, try it and, within days or maybe a couple of weeks at most, decide it is too hard. Even though detox has been explained to them, they may become certain that juice is making them sick.  They drop out and are never heard from again.  Then there are those who throw themselves into it and white knuckle their way through a nice long juice only fast while counting the days til they can once again hit the Burger King drive through or pat themselves on the back for having more veggies on their pizza than they used to. They lose a ton of weight and then promptly gain it all back. It is absolutely true and can't be repeated often enough; If you do what you've always done, you end up where you've always been. One hundred percent accurate!  Funny how that works:/  

Then there are those who use the time on juice fast to allow the process to fundamentally change them. If you are one of these people, you come to realize that this doesn't just change what you are doing for a few days or weeks or even months; it changes everything. It is physical, mental and emotional. You discover things about yourself that you didn't know before including inner reserves of strength. You educate yourself. You discover that your weight gain had nothing to do with lack of willpower and that you've been duped by a huge industry into becoming addicted to things that harm you in order to make them richer. You get pissed and You. Change. Everything. And you love it! Free of all the salt and sugar and chemicals, your taste buds come back to life! You rediscover that the foods given us by our creator actually are wonderful to the taste without all the chemicals and that foods that aren't over-processed and overcooked and genetically modified taste better and sustain our bodies the way they were intended to be. You relearn what healthy feels like. You rediscover having energy to burn.  You realize the miraculous thing that the human body really is!  It begins to heal itself!  I have a number of friends who have gotten off of blood pressure medication just as I have and off of asthma meds and acid reflux meds like my daughter has and even off of INSULIN!  The body can and will heal and regenerate itself if you flood it with all the nutrients it needs.

I'm NOT saying everyone has to give up meat or dairy or gluten as I did. But it is certainly wise to very cautiously add those substances back in and pay attention to the effect on your body.  Most of the ones I know who are still losing or maintaining after a long period of time have definitely made whole-food/plant based foods the center of their diet. And I literally do not know one who has maintained while still eating a processed, junk-food based diet. I really, really recommend you check out Dan Miller's web page here: DAN MILLER WEB PAGE  or go to DAN MILLER JUICING & PLANT-BASED FOOD  and look over his discussion thread there.  I'm in there as Natshell:) Dan has been at this a long time and has more knowledge and information available on this topic (not to mention succes at losing and maintaining for a long period) than anyone else I know of and he is great at answering questions.

I assume most people who find my blog have already watched Fat Sick and Nearly Dead but if you haven't, do so!  I also strongly recommend anyone who hasn't already, please watch Forks Over Knives. If you are a reader, read The China Study, The Pleasure Trap, Wheat Belly and Clean. Check out youtube videos and websites by Dr. McDougall, Dr Fuhrman, Dr Esselstyn and Rip Esselstyn, Douglas Lisle and Robert Lustig. Let one discovery lead to another. Make it your business and your top priority to discover what food/long-term diet will best serve your weight and your health once you aren't juice fasting anymore. Shouldn't your health and well-being be a top priority?  Lots of people do regain weight after juice fasting. But YOU don't have to be one of them. 

11 WEEKS IN - An Update

It is pretty crazy to think that we only started this new lifestyle 11 weeks ago.  I haven't blogged as much lately because I tend to think I don't have anything interesting going on.  I'm just a mom and grandma dealing with day to day life just like anyone else.  I forget that certain things about our lifestyle nowadays are considered "non-norm."  I forget that it is not "normal" to find no meat and no dairy in the average kitchen.  I forget that not every mom hears their teenagers arguing over who took all the mushrooms in the salad.  "I want mushrooms too!"  LOL  The average home probably doesn't have 10 pints of beet/apple/carrot/ginger juice in the frig.  For about a minute; until the teenagers discover it.  Not every house on the block contains 3 ladies who have lost a combined total of 115 lbs in the last 3 months.  Is it normal for you to spend 90% of your grocery shopping time and money in the produce section?  I used to barely glance in there; maybe to grab some bananas for the grandkids or a bag of potatos.  Is the average families trash made up almost entirely of juice pulp and peelings?  Where are all the cans and boxes and plastic containers?

Here are the problems we have lately:
Honey, should we sell the microwave?
No!  I heat up my lemon/ginger water in there in the mornings!

I am NEVER going to finish my holiday knitting if I don't find some time to sit and knit!

Mom! We're out of celery!

I can't BELIEVE I was dumb enough to consume gluten again!  Gluten makes me ill!  What was I thinking?!!!

So life around here is just the same old boring routine as anyone elses.... With a few twists;o)  And the most beautiful part is that I am actually participating in that routine.  I'm not sitting in my room watching life go on without me.  Yes, I am still on the program.  Yes, I am still losing weight although it isn't beating any speed records.  I have broken through to the 200s again but since I hit 299 last week, I haven't lost any more.  The scale likes to screw with me  like that.   I'm not worried.  I am giving my body what it really needs and trusting it to do the rest.  Meanwhile, I feel fantastic!
A few things have changed.  I no longer have to mindfully create positive dialogue about my food. I don't have to say to myself, "Those foods are poison to me.  I am not the sort of person that eats whatever is easiest.  I nourish my body."  I don't have to mindfully say those things any more than I have to mindfully say, "I am a mom.  I am a wife."  They are just who I am.  And did I mention I feel fantastic?

Just One Bite?

If you have tried a few (or many) diets like I have, you have at some point encountered a certain school of thought that has been on my mind a lot lately.  For example, there is currently a weight watchers commercial where the lovely, thin woman says she WILL sometimes have a cupcake, just not the whole cake.  Many diet books/gurus will tell you that you should not eliminate any particular food.  "Don't tell yourself you can never again eat cookie cake because then you won't want to stick to it."  Right?  You follow me?  That is a very common belief.  If you try to think you can never have this or that special yummy that you love then you'll quit because you can't face life without pizza, or Snickers or whatever.

I understand where this train of thought comes from.  I do.  And I understand that if we talk in terms that are super rigid and unforgiving, some people won't ever start and others won't last long.  Many believe that they are setting themselves up to fail if they don't allow for the occasional indulgence.  I'm not saying that we should never indulge in something diet-naughty ever again.  I'm not saying I won't ever indulge again.  I AM saying that my idea of what is an indulgence has changed.  And I think that for long-term success and happiness in this new lifestyle, that is what has to happen.  And after talking to many, many juicers and recently converted vegans and raw-foodists, etc, that can and WILL happen if you give yourself half a chance.  Pretty much everyone says the same thing, "My taste buds really HAVE changed!" And we all say it with the same tone of wonder and disbelief in our voices and on our faces.  Lets face it, for those of us weighing in the 300s and 400s, we didn't get there by having an appetite for loads of raw veggies.  Those were the things we didn't mind having a bit of with our meat and butter laden mashed potatos and before our cupcake... or whole cake.

I don't need people telling me that it's okay to have a cupcake.  I got to 340 lbs telling myself that.  If I eat really healthy food 90% of the time, then a cupcake won't hurt anything, right?  Well, of course it won't.  But here's the problem: nobody who has gotten to be fat, sick and nearly dead (thank you Joe Cross;o)  has the ability to eat "healthy" by conventional wisdom standards and then occasionally treat themselves with a frigging cupcake.  Truth.  I know I'll take some heat for this view but it's truth and sometimes truth hurts.  If we COULD do that, don't you think we would have already?  Would you tell someone who is a few months after having their last cigarette that just one cigarette won't hurt. It'll make you feel like you can keep going!  Hello Ms Alcoholic who spent a couple years in jail for DUI and got sober 6 months ago, have a drink.  Just one won't hurt anyone and it'll make you feel like you can stick it out longer.  IT'S THE SAME.  IT'S THE SAME. IT'S THE SAME!!!!!!!

If I could have done this the "conventional wisdom" route, I certainly already would have.  Certainly tried often enough.  I tried with Weight Watchers, I tried with Atkins, I tried with tracking and balancing the key nutrients on Sparkpeople (NOT dissing Sparkpeope - it is a FANTASTIC tool/resource that I use every day) and I tried Nutrisystems where they sent me prepackaged meals... including ittle-bitty "healthy" cupcakes.  I tried cabbage soup and some email "pre-surgery" diet that involved lots of tunafish and bananas.  I lost weight with every single plan I tried.  And then I gained weight.  I didn't throw my hands up and just give up and turn around and start going to McDonalds again.  (At least usually I didn't... there were times.)  Usually, it happened something like this:  

Day 12:  I think I'm really going to have to have a little treat at the birthday party or I'll feel too deprived and give up.  And of course, I can't turn down Aunt Mary's special recipe macaroni and cheese or I'll hurt her feelings.

Day 13:  I really shouldn't have had that 3rd piece of cake.  I'll be super, extra good the rest of this week.

Day 14: One little piece of pizza isn't so bad.  I'll eat just salad for supper.

Day 15: What do you mean I gained a pound?!  I have to get down to business and stick to the plan perfectly this week.  Right after I pout with this Sonic meal that I really can't avoid because I don't have time to do anything else today because of x, y and z.

Fast forward to Day 21 by which time I have gradually phased myself right back into eating whatever falls into my hands the easiest.  

Here's the thing, the one thing, the MAIN thing.  We super-fatties don't do Just One Bite.  We don't even usually do Just One Piece.  We might stick to just one at the party (because we fatties aren't supposed to let anyone else see us eat) but then when we get home, we'll have another and usually another.   We "just one piece" ourselves into guilt, shame, rage and yet another 25 or 50 or 80 lbs by that time next year.  And it isn't lack of willpower or lack of character or pure-dee old gluttony; it's addiction.  Addictive substances are added to almost everything the modern American eats.  Yes, even those tasty little weight-watcher's entrees.  It is also a big heaping dose of misinformation.  The people we should be able to trust to tell us what we need to know to feed our families and ourselves in a healthy manner, you know who I mean, the FDA and the Department of Agriculture etc, they lie.  They pander to the money and they lie to us.  Straight up.  

So is it hopeless then?  Do we accept that we can't moderate our own eating.  Fall into the shame and blame trap?  Fail to even try because life is no fun without sugar and deep-fat fried everything? No because we can CHANGE what we crave.  We CAN change what constitutes an indulgence for us.  For real.  I'm not talking about pasting on a smile and pretending that we are just loving having this salad at Olive Garden while the family all eat lasagna and eggplant parmesan.  I'm talking about really, for real finding ourselves loving the taste of clean, fresh, whole, veggies that are not slathered in butter or cheese sauce.  Feeling that we have really treated ourselves to a splurge when we have banana/berry sorbet from our blender.  There really IS a magic pill.  Go cold-turkey on EVERYTHING processed, packaged and made by man for a while.  Become a strict whole food junkie for just a while.  Or do what I did, watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and then watch Forks Over Knives and then do a juice fast.  After just a week on nothing but fresh-made veggie/fruit juice, I stopped craving things.  After a couple of weeks on juice, I literally found the taste thought of over-processed junk posing as food (like those little frozen weight watchers dinners and cupcakes) repulsive.  And after several weeks of an almost exclusively juice diet, as we test the waters of what foods work for us and figuring out what we actually like now, we really truly don't like the taste of the same crap that we used to feed on all the time.  When my grandkids were over the other day, their mama brought some food with them since they surely couldn't survive the day on just fruits and veggies.  Harmoni (my 17 year old) and I tasted one of the "chicken strips."  I looked at her and she said to me, "I can't believe that used to be chicken to me.  That's disgusting."  And today, she tasted a little taste of the kind of peanut butter we used to buy and said that it didn't taste good... in fact, it didn't taste like peanuts!  (We use Smuckers Natural peanut butter now.  It's the best stuff!  Nothing in there but peanuts.)  We have found that salad actually tastes really good with some herbs and a tiny bit of vinaigrette on it.  We really don't have to smother it in ranch dressing.  (Read the ingredients on that little bundle of joy sometime.  Ugh!)

So, the point of this not-so-short rant is that, yes, I am pretty hard line.  No I'm not okay with the idea of a bit of birthday cake to show solidarity.  No, I'm not going to pretend it's okay if I ever DO slip up and eat something disgusting.  It's not okay.  I'm not going to beat myself up and dwell on it but I'm not going to say it's okay and I'm certainly not going to plan ahead to do it.  People don't regain all the weight they lose on any eating plan by just turning right around and heading back the way they came, they turn around little by little by little.  They turn around by taking just one bite.  And then a few more.  We all have choices in life.  Every day I make the choice to ONLY eat things my body truly needs.  Think about that for a minute.  How much of what you eat does your body truly need? Answer: Very. Damn. Little.  Every day I make the choice to find comfort, entertainment and pleasure in other ways.  It doesn't have to be through my food.  It sounds so trite to say that feeling this healthy is better than how any food out there tastes.  What's that saying?  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Well, there sure as heck isn't anything that tastes as good as healthy and energetic and getting thinner every day feels.  Nothing.  And I refuse to just-one-bite myself back into the trance of processed, poisonous, addictive crap that 99% of people think is food.  News flash: McNuggets aren't food.  Food is the carrier of the nutrients our body needs into our system.  McNuggets and Totinos pizza and Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup carry a few nutrients on the back of literal poison.  Addictive poison.  I'm over it.

This:

Or this:

My Motivation? It Couldn't Be Simpler.

My 5% Challenge team gave an assignment to write out our motivation for losing weight. Mine is, on the surface, a variation on the same theme as many other people. Health, legacy and looks. In that order. I used to care a lot more about the looks aspect and I still care but not NEARLY as much. I used to say that losing weight for my health was important but inside, I just wanted to look good and not be ashamed to be seen in a pair of shorts. I didn't want to look like a supermodel but I wanted to feel confident in my own skin. Nowadays, I tell people I am motivated by how my girls are learning such healthy habits now and how much more energy I have and (a big one for me) by my desire to be a horsewoman again. Oh man, I can't tell you how much I miss making horses a huge part of my life. But in reality it is much, much simpler. 

After facing life as a near recluse and very nearly bedfast, having to have other people take care of my needs, my home, my chores, etc, I have a very different perspective. When I say the number one thing is to regain my health, you can bank that. I had given up on any hope of getting much enjoyment out of life any more. I was hoping I would have a massive coronary so that my family (and I ) wouldn't have to suffer through years of my gradual decline. I felt that I was a very poor example to my teenagers of how to live a life. I wasn't able to be the kind of grandma that I wanted to be so I pretty much avoided spending more than an hour or so at a time with my grandkids. I had accepted that the "fun" portion of the program was over and I didn't particularly want to hang in there for the sad ending. I've never been into sad endings. 

When I watched the videos that lit that flame of hope once again in my heart, I didn't hesitate. I KNEW it was my last chance. I knew that this was what God wanted, no expected, from me so I did it. The change has been so dramatic, so fast and so unquestionable that there is just no turning back for me. Eating healthy, whole, clean foods and juicing fresh veggies in order to flood my body with the nutrients it has been longing for is the only option for me. 

People ask me how I can avoid my trigger foods or temptation or whatever and they don't understand when I tell them it just isn't an option any more. They think, "Oh sure, easier said than done." But it is easily done now. Yes, I meant what I said; it is EASILY done now. I have faced situations where huge triggers from my old life were offered to me on a platter and I was looked at askance for refusing. Was it hard to say no? Do I deserve a medal for having the courage to look that old favorite straight in the eye and then walk away? NO. Because it was EASY! Would it be hard for me to say no to Meth? Or crack? Or heroin? NO. I don't put poison in my body no matter how much fun someone tells me it is because I value my health, my integrity and my future much more than any momentary pleasure. Yes. It really is like that for me now. I can't say that I will never feel that pull again. Forever is a long time and it is asking for trouble to say never. But for now, by the grace of God, it is easy. I can walk on my own and I can swim and I HAVE NO PAIN. So I can eat a big beautiful salad or a bowl of yummy, homemade veggie soup and keep feeling like I have a future or I can eat a hamburger and fries and a cookie and climb back into my deathbed. 

So what is my motivation for sticking to the program? It's pretty simple when you boil it down. I. Want. To. Live. 

It's Different This Time - from Sunday, August 18, 2013

I know we've all heard that before. Well, for me, it damn well better be different this time because I seriously doubt there will be another time. My body is failing fast. I am weaker and fatter and sicker than I have ever been; than anyone should ever be. I am not really sure what exactly I weigh. A few months ago I weighed at the doctor's office at 324. I'm pretty sure I've gained a few more since then.  [Working scale revealed I was at 340.]  I can literally barely get from my bed to the car. I spend my entire day on a loveseat 6 feet from my bed. I am on a bunch of medications that make me feel like crap and now I'm having symptoms of congestive heart failure. I have never put a lot of faith in the traditional medical community but it's amazing what you'll give in to when you are actually afraid for you life. I am 51 years old and I want to do some more LIVING before I die!! 

I have tried before, obviously. I tried Atkins and WW and just tracking food and trying to stay in the traditional healthy guidelines here on SP. All my life I've heard, "Make incremental changes. Small changes add up to big changes." I reduced my salt, I quit drinking soda years ago, I quit using added oils and other fats, (Boy do I miss deep fried okra!) I cut waaaay back on "whites" like white bread, potatos, rice, sugar. This has all been over the course of 25 years or so. In those years, I have gone from overweight at 220 lbs in my late 20s to over 335 or so now. I'm sick of people looking at me as if I must hoover cookies into my mouth all day. And most of all I'm sick of sitting in this house and feeling helpless and useless. I'm sick of being a horrible example of how to live a life to my kids, two of whom are still at home. No more small changes. Now, EVERYTHING changes. I'm gonna die or I'm gonna LIVE. 

Friday (Thursday is grocery day - my son goes for me) I am starting a juice reboot a la the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. Boy doncha know that title caught my attention. I thought they made a documentary about me!! LOL I watched that. I watched Forks Over Knives and I watched Food, Inc. I did my own research. I read more books than I'm going to list here right now. I have chosen my path. I will do a minimum 10 day juice fast, actually planning for a 30 day but we'll play it by ear. After the juice reboot, I will start the 6 week plan in Eat To Live. I am still trying to learn how, in my area, I can avoid GMOs and such but I will just do the best I can to get whole, unmodified foods. As I become more mobile, I can shop at the whole foods stores in Tulsa instead of just the supermarkets here in my small town. 

So, how is it "different this time" for me? I don't give a craphat about conventional wisdom any more as it has gotten me to this point of being literally fat, sick and nearly dead. I don't give a tinker's damn about how I look or what other people think of how I look. I am doing this so that I can live. I am doing this so that I can enjoy living again. 

I am not the least bit worried I won't stick. I'm not weak (mentally) and I'm not stupid. Show me something that makes sense and that actually works in the important ways and I WILL do it. And I have an advantage in that I very rarely leave my house right now. The food that is brought in is picked up for me by my son and he follows the list I give him to a tee. I also will have an advantage that for the first week at least, everyone in my house will be doing the same thing. We are using this next few days to get rid of ALL perishables in the house and putting all canned goods into storage. There won't be anything in this house that isn't on that eating plan. Do I feel guilty for my poor 17 and 19 year olds having to give up their lunchmeat and hot pockets? Nope. I feel good about doing this FOR them. My 17 year old has high blood pressure and weighs 280 lbs [Once I got a working scale we discovered she was actually up to 303lbs.] (she is 6'3" but still) My 19 year old has high cholesterol and weighs 260 [This one turned out to weigh 288.] or thereabouts. My son and dil are living with me right now but they are both nearing 400 lbs! They are having trouble conceiving a child mostly because of their weight and I fear that my 29 year old son will have a heart attack before I do!! I am showing them that getting your body the nutrients it needs to function correctly and to heal itself as God intended it to all along, you do what you need to do. It's priority one. Period. 

So. That's where I'm at today. I've been on diets before but that person is gone. That person tried and tried and failed. This one is succeeding. This one is doing, not trying.

The Beginning - A Near Death Life

This is the story of how I came back to life.  About 6 weeks ago, I wrote in my journal about giving up.  About losing my faith and believing that all that was left for me was a not so gradual decline into death.  I told God (no I wasn't raised to try to tell God what to do but I was that low) that if He had any more plans for me He had better get on with them.  My mother had the faith of a giant and instilled the faith of generations of women into me.  It was not easy to admit that I was losing that.  But my condition was such that it was just a simple matter of common sense to see that I wasn't going to last long and that the journey to the end wasn't going to be much fun.  

Now this is a story of hope and triumph and victory over obesity, illness, premature death and loss of faith and hope.  It is about learning to be my own advocate, do my own research and take charge of my health and my life.  But to give you an idea of what a miracle this has been, you have to have a clear picture of where I started.  I know it will sound crazy.  I know that some will not believe how bad it was or how good it is now but that isn't my problem.  I am writing this blog in case anyone, any one person, might be helped or encouraged or inspired by what has happened to me.  I make two promises to whomever may be reading this.  I will blog at least once a week, usually more, and I will be 100% honest.  I will try to figure out how to do an occasional youtube video but I'm a total newb at that so give me a chance to figure it out.  I will post before pictures that I took on August 23 when I started this journey and I will post during pics every few weeks and eventually, I'll post after pics although "after pics" is a bit of a misnomer since I don't believe this is a journey with an ending.  This journey is how I've chosen to live my life from now on.  But once I reach a healthy weight, BMI or whatever, I'll post something we will call an "after" pic;o)

So, let's go back a few weeks.  The following are word-for-word excerpts from my personal journal.  I am usually a very private person and NOBODY would ever see this but, as I said, if it helps one person...

July 30, 2013
"I'm not sure what the catalyst was but I've just sorta stopped living.  NOT suicidal; not stopped caring... Just don't have any hope of anything ever getting better for me personally.  ...I need hope and I need it now.  Whether there is life after death or not, I am not done with this one; or at least I don't want to be. There are so many things I don't want to leave this life without having done/seen/experienced.  Sort of a bucket list but SO much more important. ...Mostly I don't want to die with THIS being the mom/grandma/example that my kids and grandkids are left to remember."

"I don't DO anything with my days anymore.  I just vegetate.  I have physical issues; real, medical, painful, frustrating, physical issues.  I am in serious pain All. The. Time.  So I don't do much which makes me weaker.  So I sit here weak, in pain and feeling helpless and hopeless, getting weaker and more hopeless every day."

"Here is my pathetic daily routine:
Noon - wake up and take meds. Sit in bed for an hour while meds take effect so I can make it to the bathroom and then back to bedroom loveseat.  Harmoni brings me coffee and breakfast from the microwave.  I then get on the computer and play a couple of facebook games in three different profiles so I can feel "busy."  I also watch a few shows on Netflix or Hulu while I knit.  Knitting is my therapy.  It keeps me sane.  Sort of. 
Harmoni will later bring me lunch.  I will make it to the bathroom a couple more times in the day and once in a while even make it to the kitchen to get my own sandwich or can of something for dinner.  If it has to heat for more than a couple of minutes, Harmoni will bring it to me.

Once a week, I go to Walmart and ride the 'electric chair of shame' because I can't walk through the store.  This is the store I used to work at so it is especially humiliating.  I stop at the Post Office and a couple of places to pay bills where Gini or Harmoni will run in for me since getting in and out of the van is so hard for me.

I go to bed around 3 am and might get to sleep before dawn.  I sleep very poorly and am still exhausted when I wake whether it is 9 hours later or 3 hours later.

The end.  That is my day.  Every day."

Wow is it humbling to write that in a public forum.  Those who don't know me personally can't imagine how amazing it is that I would share that with anyone.  ANYONE, much less everyone.  Now for a few facts.  At the time I wrote that stuff, I was a 51 year old mother of 5, grandma of 9, married to a sweetheart of a truck driver since 1987, in small town Oklahoma.  I am 5'6" tall and weighed 340 lbs.  I have Myasthenia Gravis which is an autoimmune disorder, and the tumor in my chest that often accompanies it, as well as a history of blood clots, bone on bone knee, completely trashed shoulder from tearing the rotator cuff several times and not getting treatment leaving it with scar tissue, arthritis and bone spurs, high blood pressure, hypothyroidism, high cholesterol and Paget's disease of the bone in my pelvis.  I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia years ago but the pain and fatigue of that little joy-pill was so buried in the pain and fatigue from all the other stuff that I forget about it.  And to kind of top it all off, I had started having some pretty scary symptoms of congestive heart failure.  I didn't realize it at the time but that is often a complication of Paget's. 

So now I think you have the pathetic picture of where I was a few weeks ago when suddenly, very suddenly, everything changed.  EVERYTHING changed.  I have tried most of the diets that everyone else has tried from Atkins and Weight Watchers to tracking my food and activity on Sparkpeople.  Sparkpeople was by far the most helpful.  I highly recommend it for the tools and fellowship available no matter what path to health you choose.  

Now on to the POSITIVE stuff because, trust me, nowadays, my life is a very positive place!  I'll make this part brief and then just get to posting the progress blogs.  I started a blog on Sparkpeople and I'm going to start by reposting those here to bring you up to date and then I'll take it up from there with current blogs.  So when you see a blog that is dated September 24 but the title says it is August 25 - Day 3, you won't be confused hopefully.

So what happened was this.  I got on Netflix like I usually did.  For no clear reason at all, since I am NOT usually a viewer of health or food related documentaries, Netflix "recommended" Forks Over Knives and Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  VERY unlike myself, I watched them.  And then I watched Hungry for Change and Vegucated.  I then read Eat to Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman, The China Study by T. Colin Campbell and Clean by Dr. Alejandro Junger.  I also looked up every bit of research for and against a plant-based diet, The China Study, Veganism, Raw-food living and Clean eating.  I have ridiculed and condemned vegetarians and especially ethical vegans my whole life.  I grew up eating fat-fried everything.  But I knew by the end of the first documentary that God himself had led me to this path and that I could abandon it at my peril.  I KNEW it.  It was a really strange feeling and almost beyond description.  You will just have to trust me that it was different from any path I had ever entered upon for weight-loss.  I actually felt, REALLY felt for the first time that it was "all about health dummy!"  Weight loss was to be looked forward to but definitely secondary.  It was an immediate transformation the likes of which I have never before experienced.  I haven't had a single moment of doubt since.  

So that brings us up to where my Spark blog began so I'll let that tell the story for a bit and then start up again with current blogs.  Sorry this first one was so long.  They won't usually be this long.  If you've read this whole thing, thank you for joining me.  I'm enjoying the ride more than I can say.